SPEAKER_00 0:15

It's the eagle. Here we go.

unknown 0:30

It's the eag show.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

No, no, girl. I want to go way back. There it is If you know me, there it is. If you don't know me, there it is it! Welcome to the Eek Show! Freak show! Fucking vegetable fucking leek show! Speak show! Audio! Solo podcast! POD C A S T with a fucking sticker! Sticker from Boston! Yeah, you from fucking upstate, New York? Nah, okay. I'm from fucking New England! Yeah, yeah, dude. Fucking phlegm in the throat. This is the inception episode. I wanna go way back. The way, way back. Great movie if you haven't seen it. It's about a kid who finds himself and figures out fucking that his mom is a good person. And the guy she's seeing is a fucking scumbag. There's water slides, there's fucking summer romance, and there's the fucking way, way back. And I'll leave it at that, Jack. This show is gonna be about a lot of things. There'll be things and stories and events and day-to-day topics and opinions intertwining with your fucking brain as well as mine. I expect feedback. That's positive, that's negative, that's funny, that's fucking dumb and boring because you don't have an actual opinion. But I'm hopeful that you're genuine. Inception is the beginning of something, the foundation. And I'm gonna go back to the old school trailer park where I grew up. Right off the fucking highway. Glamorous in all its forms. My dad is gonna be someone I imitate on a consistent basis. Yeah. One thing about my dad is this is the way he talked. And he was like, I want you to fucking shut your fucking shut mouth. He'd get so mad that he had trouble getting out how angry he was. And now he's getting mad at things that he had control over. How poor he was, how uncleanly he was, how mean and fucking angry he was. How woe is me he was, how apathetic he was, how lazy he was. My mom was in a wheelchair, she's been in a wheelchair since I was three and a half. The way, way back we had a fucking green Dodge dart, a shitbox. Now I'm gonna go out and limb and say that my dad didn't pay full price for that car. Because he never paid full price or really spent money on anything except shit. Collecting junk, hoarding massive, massive amounts of collectibles. Sure, some of them had value, but not a lot, not a lot of them, unless fucking early 19 fucking 80 fucking jars of ragu, regular meat sauce were worth any money. The fucking big giant fat one that has like fucking three gallons in it, that technically help balance or fucking even out one of the one chairs you could sit on in our what you could call living room between the kitchen with the fucking rotted out floor and two by fours holding up the roof. Yes, that is real. Two by fours that I think back all those years ago somehow held up the fucking trailer roof. There was one door to get in and out on a fucking shit ramp filled with fucking junk. You had to fucking stand sideways, that'll come up. There was a fucking golden key underneath a fucking old coffee tin. In case you wanted to rob the house, you might get lucky with some fucking early Clemens rookies or some fucking coins. Or maybe some old boxes of fucking rice around you. Why we had 50 extra boxes of fucking chicken noodle flavored riceroni stuffed in the living room, right beneath some fucking old school Willie Mays fucking statue? I don't know. But if you were hungry for rice aroundie, we had it! The word when I was young with my fucking family was poor. Might as well add driven and hungry in there. Cuz that was me. That was me when I was a kid. That was me when I was fucking growing up. That's me now! Each show is all encompassing of a fucking timeline. The show is not going to always be about me. But I think things that are really funny in life are true stories. They're genuine facts about someone's life and intertwining those into stories from when they were young, from when they were fucking growing up with their family, friends, school, grade school, high school, sports, college, trips, dips, fucking honey dipped, fucking chocolate honey dipped. Sign me up. The way way back, Eek Show style. My dad used to throw fucking plates, bowls, cans, glasses. He threw punches. He had punches thrown at him. I saw him get beat up once in my trailer park. There was one spot. We called it the empty lot. That was fucking trailer park lingo. There was no fucking mobile home in that lot. So people would throw their fucking junk there. By junk I mean trash. And who would go through that trash? My dad. Yeah, I'm gonna go fucking down to the empty lot. I think I saw some fucking uh quality fucking chain down there. You know the the chain that uh can bond the the long pillings on the fence? Your fucking fence! Mind you, we didn't have a fence. No fence. We didn't have a shed, although two sheds were fucking bought for us by our church. That'll come up later. My mom should have absolutely left my father early on. I mean, he was a mentally abusive, fucking crazed, slovenly, unrefined lunatic. Did he do some good things? Sure. Did he wreck all that by being fucking psychotic and angry and blaming everything on his family? Yes! Now shut up! I don't wanna be fucked about I don't wanna be fucked in my life because of his fucking family! I want my fucking mountain dew and my carts, and I wanna fucking eat my gravy and fucking potatoes and meat. Shut up! Imitations, impressions. I'm gonna be big on those in this fucking show. I'm gonna be big on those in every episode. Regardless if it's my dad. My mom was a uneasy imitation. Oh mom, I did respect my mom because she had a tough life being in a wheelchair. No, sure. There's a tale. There's a tale as old as time. There's a tale as old as time about her fucking sitting in that chair. But that's not the Eek Show. The Eek Show is gonna be laughter. At times it'll be sad. At times it'll be fucking what the fuck? Well, you kinda wanna hide behind your own thoughts. The way you feel sometimes when you watch The Office and Michael Scott is so awkward that you feel irked. Being genuine, okay? Being yourself, telling real stories is fucking so empowering. It's funny most of the times. You gotta turn shit. You gotta turn bad things on their head, right? You can't let that consume you. And that's what the eek show is. I'm not saying I need the eek show now, but I'm saying fucking after all this time, I was like, I gotta fucking put something down that lasts forever that will have a legacy based on how I fucking grew up and saw things, but maybe inspiring somebody else to just truly be who they are and make something of it. Because that's what's happened to me. And I know there's tons of shit like that in the world. There's tons of fucking music and acts. There's tons of fucking stories and books, business ideas, whatever someone has, they're always a backstory of their family. How do they become who they are? Are you who you really are? Do you talk about it? Do you act that way? Are you the real you on a consistent basis? Because for me, I'm not gonna fucking lie about anything. I'm gonna fucking let it fly. I'm gonna let it fly, guy. Fucking lip sync contests. I was in fucking middle school, fifth to sixth grade, lip sync contests against full fucking high schoolers at my fucking high school up north of Boston. Going against fucking a group called the Fly Guys who did We Only Buggin'. Great fucking tune. I didn't know it then. Just rap guys dancing fucking fly suits, lip syncing with big, those big giant glasses where you put in your face, it looks like the glasses are five times the size of your head. And he and me and my buddy were doing fucking able knee and avery. No shit. I was Paul McCartney dressed in a fucking tie with the fucking feathered hairdo with the fucking guitar, because I dabbled with the guitar when I was young. Music's a monster thing to me. And my buddy, no shit. I won't put this kid on blast. He was a fucking great kid, but he was Stevie Wonder. He had his fucking skin tinted, you know, to look darker. Had the shades on, and I mean this was what back in the 80s? Early mid-80s? I mean, just full character. And we fucking came in second! No! Second place! Couldn't beat the fucking fly guys. The Eek Show to me will be stories and memories and facts and opinions about topics that come up that make you laugh, that make you think Freaka leek! Freak a eek! My goal is to make you laugh, or is to make you listen again and have a fucking good time. Email in that you think this or that, fucking squiff or squat. The show is often done from the fucking car. Where my mind works the best. I see things and hear things and have rolling thoughts that I've been fucking putting into fucking comedy bits, emotions, impressions, characters. Probably since I was in my fucking late teens, I would always record shit. I used to record shit in my fucking crappy room that had a curtain on it. We had one door in. I never even finished that thought. We had we had an we had something called the new room. Something my grandparents helped build onto the back of the trailer, which became a bedroom. We still called it the new room, like 20 years after it. And it was fucking. Closet, I believe, from the left. I remember my dad fucking killed one with a putter. I saw its fucking nose spit out, fucking whatever you fucking spit out when you get hit by a putter. That's a true story. We had fucking a family of raccoons living underneath our trailer that ate up underneath the fucking floorboards, the baseboards. I remember when they they ripped the thing down or that room down, you could see how much fucking wood had been eaten by the raccoons. It was squalor. The Eek Show will be uh very honest. It'll fucking grab you at times for certain to be laughing about how fucking pathetic my upbringing might have been. I'm okay with it. I'm not embarrassed by it. I've empowered it all these years. I'm not doing this to say woe is me or feel bad. I'm I'm a nothing burger. I don't matter. Your inner circle is all that matters. Your inner circle is the only ones that ever gonna care that you're fucking here, healthy or not. I hope all you out there in fucking Eekshow Audio Land have a blast with this fucking thing. And I hope you have people that give a shit about you. You know, growing up, my brother, you know, that was cool. I had a good relationship with him. We had a guy down the street that became really a key part of our family. We actually called him and introduced him as our family member for years and years, well after I left the fucking trailer park. Fucking TP. Ironically, we had an eight mile per hour sign on the way down the hill into the park, which is interesting. Fucking eight mile road! Where must that go? I was always inspired by someone like Eminem because he fucking got out of fucking shit dodge and just ran with something he loved. And now he's a fucking icon. He's an icon because he fucking chased what makes him fucking happy. He chased what made him fucking normal. What's made me normal and held me to a path to be a good dad or the best father I can be, a good overall husband, is doing the opposite of what my parents did. The opposite of what my dad did, how he was. Really focused on the mistakes they made parenting and watching how he was a bad father and husband and not doing that, you know, and staying away from or growing out of bullshit excuses. But that's the eek show. That's the eek show way. Are you gonna fucking grow? Are you gonna fucking seize your opportunity once in a lifetime, yo? Whoa! Or are you gonna fucking sit in your shit? Are you gonna let it fucking consume you? I gotta take it out on other people. Like my dad. Honey! You fucking you're the one who's fucking caused us this shit! My mom didn't cause any shit. My dad was a fucking wuss. He'd fucking scream and yell. Cops would show up at our fucking place for sure, off and on, between grade school and middle school. High school, I sort of started to fucking just rebel. You know, I don't think I was a bad son, but I did well in school and I fucking rebelled against my dad. I'm like, this guy's cheating on my mom. That's true. This guy's not supporting us financially by not working since I was, you know, very young. Certainly, I don't remember him working or getting up before fucking 10 or 11, actually getting out of bed between my fucking, you know, middle of middle school through graduating high school and fucking going to school. I think I came home one time other than my senior year, where I came home to work and then get the fuck out of there and drive to DC so I could fucking start my own life, whatever the fuck it was gonna be. Oh, I went to college on my own, not one fucking dime from my parents. I went to a fucking school that changed my life. It was awesome. I shouldn't have gone there. Private university, fucking in upstate New York. Syracuse Orange, let's go! Oh man, points have gone. Fucking shitty fucking financial aid package, no fucking money in the bank. Each show is gonna be about all of it and then some. Certainly gonna get away from just my story, but it'll always intertwine itself. What I'm excited about for you, the audience, is to hear genuine stories that make you laugh that you're gonna think, no fucking way. Holy shit. Or this fucking guy's tapped. You damn right I'm tapped. You damn right. What's cool about me is I embrace all of that shit. I'm not afraid of fucking being judged. I think making fun of people is just funny. I'm not trying to actually make some fun of somebody and put them down. Most of the time I'm saying something that has any sort of insult of value. It's fucking being comedic. Being a comedy person is about timing. It's about finding a way to explain something in a way that's gonna be funny where someone else doesn't have necessarily the balls or the fucking depth of intelligence or maybe just the odd mindset to think of it. I mean, some of these comedians out there, they're successful these days because they're going for it. They're pushing through the line. The Eek Show will be on the line and push through the line. It's not gonna be filled with fucking hate or disdain or violence or any of that shit. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be my story, which sounds sad, but I think it's fucking hilarious. It's made me fucking who I am all these years later. I hope you fucking enjoy the show. I hope you listen to multiple episodes before you make an opinion. That's really important. I'll have uh something I talk about at the end of each episode that I saw in that last week of time, maybe that last 24 hours. Something I heard, something I saw, something I liked, something I hated. It's gonna be the fucking eat show fact or the eat show thought of the day. I'll be curious what you think. In this episode, I'm curious, how did you grow up? Did it shape what you do for a living? Do you do something you like? Are you doing something you like? Are you doing something just for money? I get it. I've been in fucking a job and sales for a long period of time because it's what I fell into because I was poor, hungry, and driven. I was in all kinds of fucking debt. All kinds of shit. I needed to fucking put my mind down, put my fucking head forward in battle. So that's what I did. And now I have a family that means the most to me out of everything. Being a father is the job. L you dad's out there, you know that. That's all that matters. This show at times will be emotional. Again, it's not always going to be fucking insane, hilarious, but it will be funny. It will be funny. Genuity is funny, and this is the inception of that. This is the Eek Show. Eekshow.show is my Instagram or the Instagram. No! There'll be a first season, multiple episodes, a new one every Friday afternoon. There'll be three more after this one. Please listen to multiple episodes before you decide. Do I really want to listen to this fucking jerk-off? I think you're gonna want to listen. That's my gut. That's my gut! You know what I mean? You gotta fucking go, kid. You gotta fucking give it a shot. Swing away! Swing away, Meryl, swing away. If he didn't swing away, that alien still fucking kills that family in the house in the movie signs and takes over the fucking entire world. But he swung away and he realized that water was the assassin. We'll talk about all kinds of topics. Aliens, bucket lists, water, sports, food, fashion, shit. We'll talk about all of it. No, spit. Kids fucking rhyming while even trying. No! Eek show. I'm looking forward to kind of connecting with uh a whole bunch of people about, you know, what are your thoughts? How did you grow up? Did it shape how you are? Did it shape who you are? Did the bad turn to good? Did the bad evolve into something positive? Something funny. To me, the whole thing's funny. I wouldn't change a fucking thing about my fucking past. And trust me, there were fucking shit ass suck parts of it. All of which will come out in the Eek Show. So welcome to the Inception. Most episodes will be about 17 to 22, 23, 24 minutes. We'll see. I'll edit this down. Or did I edit it down? Are you listening to the edited version? Ha ha ha! Caught you, you little fucking rat bitch. Have an excellent day, have an excellent week. Shut this episode off and listen to the next three. There'll be a lot of fucking comedic ideas and topics. Infoateeekshow.show is the email we can get a hold of me with thoughts and questions. Maybe just your own brain fucking puking about certain things these things make you think of. If you don't know me or you know me, it don't matter. My pocket's getting fatter. Ho ho! Not really. I'm not doing this for fucking money, kid, but who knows? Maybe fucking people fucking catch on to the fucking dream that is. Eek Show. I'll see you soon. I see you soon.