SPEAKER_00 0:14

It's the eat show. Here we go.

unknown 0:29

It's the eat show.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I just call to say I love you. I just call to say how much ek cas I do. The vibrato.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Dad used to have the radio on the car be like. He'd be bagging on the fucking dash. Out of fucking rhythm. Listening to, I don't know, fucking Sack choople heel. Marvin Gay. Just the Woody Woodpecker. Fucking Woody Woodpecker. My dad would just be drilling Marvin Gay. Sack choople hee. Dad, can you stop singing, man? Not that I I don't like that he liked music. But he he just. It's weird, he didn't have any musical ability. Zero. Didn't play any instruments. Couldn't sing, couldn't carry a note. He could yell though. Shut the fucker! Dad, you hit a great note there when you tell him telling your wife to fucking shut her ass. Eekshow.show at eekshow-m4K monkey four kangaroos. Never seen a kangaroo. I honestly don't think I've ever seen a kangaroo ever. Odd. As the sun shines down, I'm like, you know what I'd like to see? A fucking kangaroo. Just fill his pouch with fucking fucking Susie Q's from hostess. Remember those fucking chocolate cake with that fucking cream in the middle? That cream's just fucking delightful. Just put a fucking dozen, maybe 12 to 18 packs of Susie Qs, stuff them right in a kangaroo pouch, and have him fucking hop around my fucking house and deliver them. Every time I got a fucking kind of sugar rush, I needed that sweet my sweet tooth was calling, game fucking susie cue. Kangaroo comes hopping and fucking rings the doorbell. Ho ho! Travel Susie Q's Eek Show style business ideas every day. Happy Monday. Allergies remain in full effect. 75 degree day ahead of us. I hope wherever you are, you're teeing it up. Keep those arms in tight. Try to stay straight on the swing. Keep your head behind the ball and fucking watch that sucker fly into the fairway. And I'll be in the woods looking for my ball. Gotta love the guys on Harleys, man. What's the the one of the best jokes I've ever heard in my entire life? What's the z what's the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner? The position of the dirt bag. Yes! Yes! How's that? How's that, Harley rider? You ride up in the neighborhood. Hey honey, can you shut the windows? Fucking every time there's a fucking Harley within five miles of your fucking house. Jesus, fuck. Get out of here, man! Glad you fucking drive a motorcycle that you think's cool. Harleys are cool, man. I know they're expensive. I know they're a hobby. I know they're a little fucking group. Best Harley memory or scene I ever have had in my life is when fucking Pee-wee makes friends with all the Harley guys, fucking starts bashing beers on the fucking bar, goes outside, and he's like, later fucking killer X or whatever the guy's name is, and he jumps on the Harley, starts it on the first fucking rip, and then just fucking drives through the sign. It's amazing. Oh, the subtlety of good humor is always just I don't know, it's just the simplicity of like, you know, no, that's why America's funniest home videos are funny, because everybody's laughing at everybody else's fucking demise. Someone falls off a ladder and fucking twists their neck. Everybody's like, oh ho ho ha ha yeah, it's a great one. So speaking of getting hurt, I thought I'd talk about three words. I love you. I was just telling my daughter what's cool about saying to somebody that you love them, if you mean it. Of course, you can always say I love you, and you know, I've I've even called myself out on it with you guys, you know. Audience, audience is uh very likable. I don't know you, and I don't know anybody out there well enough to say I love you, but I've said it. Sometimes you frivolously say it or you kind of throw it around. I'm sure guys and girls throw it around, depending on uh you know what kind of uh relationship they're in. Maybe they don't like the person anymore, but they don't want to lose that fucking uh awesome like 90-inch fucking TV they have because they're living with their fucking significant other. So they're like, eh, fuck it. I'm throwing in I love you. I don't want to fucking miss the premiere of the fucking uh new season of Peaky Blinders. I'd rather see it on a fucking 4x 4K beautiful fucking TV.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

So yeah, fuck it. Hey, I love you.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I do, I love you. What time's the Peaky Blinders show on tonight? And uh you picking up uh Chinese for us? Just remember to get the uh orange chicken. I like it extra crispy as well. I love you. You never know though, right? That could be the real reason. But for me, I mean it when I say I love you too in my family, my dogs. When I talk about specific foods and dishes I like and sports teams, not any of the fucking Boston teams right now. They're all fucking shit suck. Not sob. Not sob is fucking Boston backwards. And I'll tell you, it kind of fits right now. If you hear the word Yeah, you fucking not sob, it doesn't sound like something good, man. It kind of sounds like sob, which is cry and not, which is you're not. You know, you're a fucking have not in the fucking big brother house eating slop. You know what I mean? So you suck fucking ass. So that fits. But I love you is uh for me, I definitely overdo it. I say it a lot to my family constantly. I'll always say like good morning or good night and I love you, and and they'll say, I love you too, and I'll be like, I said first. You know what I mean? I just want to my jokes be like, hey, I love you, like I love you too, and they're like, ah, I said it first, though. You know, it's like that first bless you. Every other bless you that after the first one, I don't know. I don't know if they would have said it. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, ah, you know, uh, someone raises their hand, usually a second person raises their hand. Someone's like, uh, okay, I'll go, I'll I'll volunteer. Someone's like, oh yeah, me too, me too. But really, it's the first volunteer that's got the balls. It's the first I love you. It's the you know, it's the first person picked for the kickball team. It's not the next one that anybody remembers. If you can kick the fucking roofers in school, you know, grade school, you can you from wherever home plate is, you can blast it. I remember the the the kid I went to school with. Fucking Woodsie. Kid could fucking blast home runs onto the roof. Woodsy, if you ever listen to this or you're out there. Unbelievable. The old school fucking rubbery kickball, the the red one, it sort of fucking got the little it's got braille all over it. So fucking um blind people know it's a kickball, I guess. That that fucker would travel all the way to the fucking roof. And I always used to think like sometimes when you kick the roofer, it didn't go all the way past the roof off, so that's it. You know, the game's over. You know, you kick a roofer home run, and the you know, you don't have an abundance of kickballs. And everybody's as he's running around the base, like, oh, I love you, I love you, Woodsy. Nobody really loved him, they just loved his home runs. You know what I mean? They loved his grade school home runs. As I said it to her this morning, as I always do, every day, every night, every second I'm around her. Not every second, but every 10 seconds, just in case I die, I wanted to know. I told her this morning, I'm like, I had four years of high school where neither of my parents worked, neither of my parents ever got up in the morning before like nine or ten o'clock. That is fucking dead true. So they never said anything to me in the morning. I was doing my own shit, getting ready, and leaving for school. I never had a ride to school. I took the bus or walked or got a ride or or fucking was driving with one of my buddies as I got older. I think I got a ride to school every year except my freshman year. Maybe even like pet late in the freshman year towards summer. One of my buddy's girlfriends used to drive me, which was kind of cool. I mean, it was his girlfriend, but she would pick me up. Keep the relationship going, man. I gotta fucking ride to school. And that is fucking hilarious. I used to think that in my head, like, come on, man, don't fuck the ride up. Ride to school, brother. Tell her, tell her you love her. You know what I mean? Did you say I love you today? Because I was maybe thinking she might want to stop at fucking Dunkin' Donuts for me as well. Grab me some fucking munchkins, a little chocolate glazed. My dad used to go to Dunkin' Donuts when I was young. True story. He'd want to go in there, he'd go in there and he'd ask, Yeah, can I get the uh chocolate honey dipped? They used to be called chocolate honey dipped, or that's what he called them. I think they were called that. He'd like, can I get the ones in the back though? Can you double glaze them? I want fucking double glaze on the fresh ones. Because they do make them there, and that's a fucking true story. I don't even think I thought of that in fucking years. He'd be like, Yeah, can you give me a fresh bag and you double glaze them? You gotta love it. Regardless of how much of a fucking ballbustered fucking ass prick my dad was. The guy knew how to order food. Fucking triple extra double cheese on fucking cheesesteaks, no hots on any of your burgers, double extra double everything, fucking double glazed donuts, double gallon sized fucking glass to drink fucking Mountain Dew, which is double fucking sugar, double caffeine. I knew what jolt was because my dad would drink it. No wonder his teeth fell out of his fucking mouth.

unknown 11:45

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

My dad looked like a 70s guy from the where they have no teeth and the you put on the blackout. And I'm not saying I have great teeth, but my dad was struggling fucking teeth-wise, like early 40s. I mean, rocking the 70s fucking mouth look. Should have been in the movies. My dad didn't say I love you. Fucking dad, shut up! I hate you, you fucking little bitch. Shut up. Fucking I love you, fucking never heard it. Uh so maybe that's it. You know, maybe it's the sort of internal insecurity of my life, regardless that I'm mature and an adult, and I don't fucking walk around like woe is me, and blah blah blah. You know, you use it sometimes as a crutch. You know, I don't use it around anybody other than maybe sometimes if I write a story, but hopefully everybody out there is hearing I love you. Do you hear I love you? Did you say it first when you were fucking younger? I'm I'm sure you didn't. If you're a guy, you probably a girl probably might say it. Or maybe you are the guy that said it and you're like, come on, man, say it back, say it back.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

You said it to the girl, and she's like, Yeah, um, yeah, maybe, uh, what are we doing tonight?

SPEAKER_01 13:00

You know, and who knows? Maybe it's depending on how like fucking hot she is versus if you really like her. And that's not to be mean. It's like when you're younger, fucking you don't know what the fuck you're doing in relationships. Guys are girls, you don't have any clue. You think you know, like we know each other, we know each other so well. We know each other so well, but we've never had any responsibility in our lives for ourselves or for anyone. We've never had to take care of anything. But we know each other, we're there for each other. Like, yeah, okay. Let's see fucking if you're there. You know, you're in a relationship when you're younger, let's just say college or high school. And I know there's some high school sweethearts and college sweethearts out there. Fucking in probably shit ass marriages if you stayed together. And if not, congratulations. You say I love you sometimes, I'm sure. But let's see, you know, back in those days, like you could you call your fucking wife, hey honey, I love you, but uh my body just got cut in half by on the on the job site, you know. I've got no legs. I'm alive, but you know, I can have no legs, you know, no genitals anymore. I'm dead, but I'm alive. So, uh, you know, can you stay with me? Pretty sure she doesn't stay with you, you know. Maybe one out of fucking two million fucking stays, takes care of your fucking half body.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

I love you.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yeah. She fucking leaves you in bed to fucking read fucking Stephen King books as you're f as she fucking heads out. It's fucking like yeah, I'm see ya. I'm headed to the spa for a month. Here's some fucking uh hummus and some fucking crackers. Thanks, honey. I love you. Thanks for staying with me. I love you is a good one. Do you really mean it when you say it? And I don't mean just for people that are married and with kids. Of course you mean it for the most part with them. It's easy to know, right? You love them. That's your life. That's the only people that give a rat's fucking ass about you. You know, people that also care about you, people that you owe money to, they care. They may not care about you in a positive way, but they fucking care. They might say, you know, if you're not paying them, be like, listen, tell me that you love me and I'll fucking pay you. You know what I mean? I'll pay you back. I'm not hearing it anymore in the house because I'm fucking struggling at fucking work and uh the fucking bathroom smells every night, every morning, and I'm not as cleanly as I used to be. And but I'd love to hear I love you. You know, that'd put me in a good mood. Maybe I'll fucking shower if you give me an I love you. Strong three words, a lot of movies about it, a lot of songs about it, a lot of poems about it, a lot of stories about it, a lot of fucking fake shit about it. You can say I love you, but do you mean it? Do you mean it? Fucking Billy Jean it! Ho Eek Show. I kinda love you out there. Kinda love ya. Meaning enjoy a lot of people that are funny that'll figure this show out and fucking get it and fucking enjoy themselves. I kinda love ya. You probably don't really love me back. Kinda love it, I hope. That's good enough. Enjoy it, tolerate it, fucking listen to it. Love to listen to it? No. That'd be nice. Strong three words, I love you. I advise you to say it, and I advise you to mean it. It's a good fucking statement to say, it's a good reassurance thing to say. Don't just wait for for yourself to hear it. You're probably never gonna hear it as much as you need to hear it. Or maybe you don't need to hear it, maybe you just know. That's great. Actions speak louder than words, but words matter. They do. You say the wrong thing or you slip up, you don't mean it, or you do mean it, the whole world turns upside down. It'll be interesting for me. Some people will love this podcast, and other people will be like, oh my god, I got no idea. And no idea is so, so just blasphemous and awful. None of this, none of this is meant to be fucking negative, it's meant to be fucking hilarious because truth and honesty and fucking abruptness is funny. It is, it's fucking funny. There's a lesson in being genuine. People know the real you, the expectations are fucking accurate, fair. They know if they see me or are around me or gonna be with me, I'm probably gonna say something fucking stupid. But I might say something fucking crass or funny too, and they're like, oh fuck it. I occasionally get a laugh from him, so uh, I don't mind, dude, that he's around. I don't mind that he's uh fucking had a gray fucking beard for the last fucking 20 years. Yo, I love your beard. Ah, thanks, man.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

But do you love me?

SPEAKER_01 18:09

He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. The girls are like, no, no, no, no, I just tolerate you because I'm friends with your wife. You know, like, hello! Ek show! Hopefully you got someone uh or several or a large family, and uh, I'm sure you do, that you get to say I love you too. I always say, don't expect anything, always give it. You know, if you give it, you get it. And and if you get it, I mean, gosh, you gotta give it back twofold, I believe. Sometimes I feel being the initiator is what's important, you know, that you're thinking of it on your own. Like if you say please and thank you. You notice the ones who say it, right? First, it's not half the world. Half the world's not saying I love you first. Half the world's not saying please and thank you first. They're not. Half the world's not volunteering to help or fucking stepping in to be an assistant fucking manager when they don't get paid as much. Half the world isn't like, let me hold the door for you. Half the world doesn't put that fucking bar between your groceries. You know, you got that fucking little conveyor belt that moves the groceries towards the fucking cashier. Half the people in the world don't put that bar down while you're waiting so you don't mix the groceries because the cashier's been there for fucking eight hours and is just going through a routine. She wants to see that bar, like, oh, fuck, that means stop. That means stop. She looks at me and she's like, I saw you put that bar out there. I love you. And I'm like, I love you too. Sometimes it can be just surface. She's basically saying, thanks for fucking being polite, and I'm saying thanks for recognizing it.

unknown 19:55

Ho.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

So I can tell you this, and I know I say I can tell you this. Of course I can tell you this, because I'm talking and telling you, I don't know where why I need to repeat myself. I fucking don't love you for fucking noticing that or calling that out. I don't fucking love you for noticing that. I don't love you for fucking up my fucking idiocy. Or maybe it's my own idiocy, so I don't love myself right now. Just had to change parking spots because I was in the sun and baking like a fucking chip. Jesus. You go from fucking cold and fucking hangry, which is hungry and angry, to fucking a little bit too warm and starting to sweat down your fucking thighs. Time to fucking move into the shade. Fucking shade 45, Kat! Serious! As I told you before, M fucking deeply was part of my life for the last fucking really since uh fucking 1999, maybe 1999. How? I think it's the same as the one thing I noticed. That one thing is do you need to be reassured about things on a daily basis or a weekly basis, or maybe monthly? Do you need to be reassured or do you just have confidence and faith in yourself on a consistent basis? I have confidence and faith in myself based on a lot of things, but I love hearing the word love comes up there. I love hearing reassurance from the people that I care about. I do, I like that. Uh I don't crave it, but I appreciate it when it comes. And I don't expect it to come because I didn't grow up with it. I don't, I didn't have it. I did not have that. It doesn't make me fucking apathy, you know, full of fucking, you know, I need sympathy and and, you know, I'm in my hole and nobody loves me. No, it's just I didn't grow up with it. I didn't have it around me, so I'm probably saying it more than a lot of people because I want that reassurance sometimes. You know, it's really cool to fucking have that. Sometimes, again, if you deal with something shitty, it makes you a better person because you realize that's what I'm not going to do. If you're always around everything that's positive and great, I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, but maybe you're not as appreciative. Maybe you're not as respectful because you just you're expectant. You're like, well, I grew up in all this and money and people holding the doors and people saying I love you, and people giving me all kinds of fucking opportunities and hugs and kisses and yada eat eat up a pff. Me, and Dad's like, get the fuck out of here. Oh shit. Have a great afternoon. Have a great fucking night. I love you.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

See ya.