SPEAKER_03 0:14

It's the eagle.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

It's the eat show.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

It's gonna be a Boston Scotch. Temperatures are gonna get up to like one oh six, God. 106.7! WAAF! I don't even know if that was the channel, but it fit. If you're from fucking the Northeast, you know it. WAAF. BCN? Was that it? No, that's 104.1. I don't know anything besides fucking 98.5 this part. Windows open, it's fucking a melting fucking heat wave going on here in fucking New England. Hot. Too dry. Everybody's melting like a fucking stick of butter. Fucking melting on a fucking ear of delicious sweet corn. Those fucking little tiny cracks between each kernel. The butter finds its way down into the cob, and you just get fucking straws and suck it out of there. I used to take the empty fucking corn cob and suck the butter out of it. Tell me that's not gluttonous. Yes, you may have learned fucking cool things from your dad. Yeah, my dad taught me how to fish. He taught me how to shoot. He taught me how to fucking treat a lady. He taught me how to be fucking a businessman. He taught me how to fucking live weights, take care of myself. How about your dad? My dad taught me how to collect fucking junk. Suck fucking butter out of the corn cobs. Fucking beat women. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He didn't teach me that. But he fucking tried. Fucking hide away. I can't even fucking put the window up. Two seconds. That's how hot it is. Fucking scotch ya! You got one of those fucking fans with the fucking water that sprays you in your face to keep you cool. You can have a fucking lemonade or a fucking icy slash poppy for fucking richdale? Or a fucking 7-Eleven Slurpee? Or a snow cone? Or a fucking cone of ice? I want you to fucking get all of them. Put them all in a bowl. Just fucking drink the fucking giant solid bowl of fucking sugary ice. That'll keep you fucking cool. Turn your fucking mouth into a goddamn fucking painter's fucking pallet. What's that thing they hold that they put the paint on? Fucking inkboard? There are any artists out there that fucking paint? I used to fucking paint fucking houses when I was young. I worked with one of my buddies fucking painting houses. That's a fucking shit ass fucking committed job. I mean, at least you get to see the result. You know, you paint a house, you get to see it. At the end, you're like, holy shit, it used to be fucking a different color or look worn out or fucking bad, ugly, and now it's fucking painted. It's fucking like makeup. No. Fucking Halloween costume looking people, and they just put a bunch of fucking makeup on and look like a fucking brand new person. No. You get home, you wake up, you're like, oh! I couldn't see in the light. I gotta get out of here. I got a thing. Fucking horror show, fucking morning time. Run out the front door. Woo! I'm gone. Couldn't see ya. Thanks. Grab a fucking egg a waffle on the way out, of course. So what are we doing for the fourth of July?

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Honey tonight, it works.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

I sound just like her. Katie Perry, huh? She's like, I kissed girls, I like it. I kissed girls, I liked you. Every time you just don't know what class you're gonna be in. It could be obviously, you know, people have a real kiss in grade school, middle school. I guess maybe first kiss might come in high school for some.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

You're like, oh shit, kid, first kiss. Katy Perry making the rounds.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

California girls are such a popsicle. Hoo! Fucking popsicle? It's fucking unreal, right? Some fucking ladies, a beautiful girl, great movie. Beautiful girls, all powerful. Beautiful girls, all knowing. Beautiful girls stop you in your fucking tracks. Stops time. Michael Rappaport's greatest fucking acting gig. Beautiful girls. What a movie. Love that he's got all the fucking penthouse posters on his wall. Reminds me of one of the guys I grew up with in my trailer park. Fucking great guy, just a pure fucking towny fucking just hot girls on his wall. You know what? I think I might have had a poster of fucking Pamela Anderson on my wall in college. And I'm sure my roommate will fucking confirm that. I also had fucking photos of fucking the Red Sox and fucking Tyson, fucking Jordan. All the legends. Part six, when he came back to life, uh, they fucking they electrocuted him with the big giant fucking fence spike. He came back to life, huh? To go back on a fucking killing spree. Happy fourth, fucking from Voorhees. It's three moms right now comparing those trollers. Okay, hey, look at I got the uh the brick o the bricks the bricks the bricks tack controller. What do you got, Alpa Baby? No, no, no, no. I got the uh Aviva Tretoria simple dun dun bag. That's the double dutch spot. That's the expensive one with the fucking bionic fucking fan in the bottom. What do you got? Did you get your diaper bag? I don't want to put it on my shoulder and I want to put it underneath the fucking stroller. No, I'm just kidding, cat. Three moms hanging out by the fucking LL bean. Fucking LL bean burrito. I might open a fucking place right next to LL Bean and call it fucking LL Bean burrito. What are they gonna fucking say? Like that I stole their name, be like, listen, fucking luscious long bean burrito. LL bur LL bean burrito. It has nothing to do with what does fucking LL bean stand for? What's the LL? It's not fucking Cool J, cat! LL Cool J Bean burrito, cat! LL fucking bean bag! LL bean, right next to him like, yo, I just fucking thought it was good real estate and I wanted to sell fucking luscious long bean burritos. They fucking You stole a name, man! You can't fucking open that place here! You're selling fucking outdoor clothes! I'm selling burritos, you fucking outdoor fucking pig bitch! Fuck off my fucking property. I'll throw some fucking r I'll throw some fucking salsa in your face. Mix it into your fucking eyes. And watch you fucking squirm while you're fucking while I steal some of your fucking fucking vests. Stupid fucking fishing vests. Why do you have to wear a vest when you go fishing? For all your fucking tackle and bait and lures. Fuck outta here, man. LL Bream burrito is gonna be fucking taking over the fucking nation, so keep an eye out. Luscious, long bean burrito. And every location is right next to an LL bean. Just to shove it right down their fucking throats. You're gonna sell fucking outdoor wear. I'm gonna sell fucking big, fat, sweaty, cheesy burritos. And they're gonna be long. And they're gonna be luscious. You know everybody in that fucking store is fucking grabbing a burrito at lunch and fucking dropping fucking rat bombs in the fucking LLB and fucking public fucking restrooms. And someone in there's fucking every now and then having to clean up the fucking clogged fucking toilet. Fourth of July! What are you doing for it? You fucking light off fireworks? You fucking drink 40s and fucking throw rocks at fucking neighbors. This is a trailer park fucking ideas. We used to we used to fucking my dad was a fucking nut. He used to buy fireworks in the combat zone in Boston. So he'd drive into Boston. And the combat zone back in the day where Southie was legit Irish Catholic. Like no mixed fucking culture there. I mean, tough, rough place. Now it's a fucking yuppie fucking bitch ass. Fucking nice place, to be honest. It's fucking rich. It's nice. But oh, six-time champion, Patriot, New England fucking license plate. Ha ha. 60 HG. Fucking 60 hog, bitch. He's at the movies right now and he's fucking parked like a fucking blind person. Another one. He's got his fucking Santa Cruz quirk fucking donkey bitch car and he can't stay in the fucking lines. And you can tell he backed in because he's one of those fucking ass faces that doesn't want to back out and can only drive in, and there's nobody in the fucking parking lot. So he took time to back it in and he's fucking wrecking two spots. He's not even like on the lines. He's over the big separator between the two parking spots and in another spot with his wheel turned as if whoever it is doesn't know how to fucking drive, let alone park. Unreal God. My dad would fucking buy these fireworks off of fucking shady people in the fucking combat zone in Boston. And you'd get like legit shit. You know, I think it was like the M70s, M80s, and M60s. The M60s were smaller with a wick out the top. The M70s were the same look of the M60, but the wick was out of the middle, and it was just a bit more. And then you had the fucking M80s. I never got quarter sticks. I know people used to use quarter sticks to like blow up mailboxes and throw them down sewer drains, you know, which is obviously fucking insane. I know people every year people blow their fucking hands off or their faces off, noses off. Jesus Christ, man. Fireworks. Oh, here comes a fucking bus full of kids to go to the fucking movies. Oh, I wonder what they're going to see. Fucking. Probably probably fucking minions and monsters, kid. Have some fucking popcorn and some fucking piece. Reese's pieces, kid. Mix them together and fucking get sick on them. They're gonna take over the movie theater. That'll be a fucking clean theater when that fucking movie ends. Guys gotta clean that up. Better bring in some fucking super fucking wet vac system. Fucking beak fucking shit and candy and fucking grime all over the place. God. Fourth of July! Fireworks! He'd bring them home, he'd light them off in the trailer park. Any one of them could have burnt one of the trailers down. Nobody kept up in their lawn or fucking leaves. You know what I mean? It's just fucking shithole. We'd be out there though and just fucking loving it. We used to have the classic things you see on YouTube now of like fucking, you know, yokels and fucking slack jawed honkies out in fucking middle America just shooting Roman candles at each other. That was us. We'd have Roman candle flights, we'd be holding them, and you know, we wouldn't stand close together, but we'd be 50 yards from each other firing. We had Roman candle flights, dead serious, at the top of the hill, right off the highway, across from the fucking golden banana strip joint, firing Roman candles at each other. We used to fucking, you know, with the whole funny thing, you light a full pack of black cat fucking firecrackers and drop it at someone's feet. When you're young, you just don't even think. You just do stupid shit all the time. I'm not saying that's wrong, right? It's as long as you don't ever get hurt, all those stuff are great memories. It's almost like when you you drink, right? You you you overconsume, unfortunately. And as long as nothing goes really bad, you think it's funny or fun. And then you realize you don't remember everything. You didn't do anything productive or really get anything out of it, other than the early part of the event where it seemed like it was gonna be fun. Then typically you get sick. You don't eat well, someone gets in a fight. Maybe it's not you, but something bad happens. If you have a relationship, you get in a fight. The relationship seems like it's gonna end, or someone's fucking promiscuously messing around with somebody else, or friends don't suddenly go the same place, or someone fucking forgets to finish or pay out their tab, or you lose your phone, or your sunglasses, or you end up somewhere you don't know where you are. It's like it's a vicious fucking cycle. I mean, I compare it to fucking fireworks. Fireworks seem like they're gonna be a blast. When you're watching them, yeah, I mean, they're kind of pretty. I I don't I didn't dislike them as a kid. It's neat to see the colors in the sky, and now they got the drone shows. I guess that's a lot safer. Unless the fucking drones get taken over by AI and start fucking shooting at all of us. That'd be a nice way to fucking take over a fucking city or community. Oh, everybody went to see the wonderful drone show until they took on a fucking brain of their own and fucking started, you know, firing fucking little pin darts at everybody and causing fucking chaos, and now the whole fucking city is taken over by fucking drone robots that are, you know, itemizing fucking our brains and organs to donate to fucking a larger drone that's gonna be like sort of a human slash metal drone that fucking runs the fucking state. That's Elon Musk's next idea. Fucking hitman is robots. He's gonna come up with fucking half human, half fucking drone robots that take over fucking states. Fucking Muscachus. Fucking Musk. Was it isn't Musk a fucking cologne? I thought I might go out at this to the Canyon Ranch and throw on a little dash of musk. Musk for men. I think it is a fucking old school shit fucking cologne. Anybody out there still wear cologne? You probably do, right? I know guys wear it. Some people wear it and they just, you know, they it's it's kind of weird when you you look like a fucking gross human being and you wear cologne, like, okay, you smell nice, but you're still fucking gross, dude. You know, like if you have a really delicious looking like if you love fucking fresh steak or ribs and it's rotten and it smells, it looks good, but it smells. Right? I w I one time got a big delicious fucking rack of lamb, but it had gone rotten, and it looked good. But it smelled fucking rancid. Now, lamb is a is gamey, so it smells a little off anyways, or different than regular meat. And I stupidly wasn't sure it was rotten, and I cooked it, and it was fucking Oh my to this day, my daughter said it's the worst thing she's ever smelled, although she didn't smell that motherfucking skunk. So I'm just gonna put her in her place. Maybe it's fucking bad smell one B, but 1A is the fucking skunk. July 4th, you get together with your family, your friends, do you go on vacations? Do you lay on the beach? Do you drink fucking margaritas, jackeries, culadas? Do you drink fucking shots of fucking gym beam? Just do you drink it fucking meat or on ice? Dirty martinis? Do you drink fucking Coke Zeros? Mountain Dew? Fucking deliciously homemade, fucking sun-made tea. My uncle used to leave fucking tea bags in a fucking big icy water jug out in the back in fucking Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, is this minty fucking tea leaf, and it would turn just slight brown, it was deliciously fucking brewed minty fucking I don't know, just delicious fucking tea. They'd add some sugar, a little lemon. I used to fucking crush those. Man. I was a young kid that I was like 12 years old visiting my fucking uncle. He he took me to see fucking Rambo when I was young and underage, and I just remember fucking thinking this guy's a legend. Oh, they are going to see minions. They're all dressed up in fucking yellow.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

What's up, minion bitch?

SPEAKER_03 18:46

That's so funny. This girl, this girl just this girl thinks I'm crazy. I bet if I can move, she's gonna fucking arrest me. Oh, there it is. Not talking to you, fucking bitch ass. Talking to the fucking minions. They're all in fucking little minion fucking pennies. I wanna see the monsters. I hope some people are dressed as monsters to fucking double- Oh, there we go, god. We got a photo shoot going on with fucking oh, they're doing photo shoots, god photo shoots, god photo shoots with strollers.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Oh, live!

SPEAKER_03 19:24

She's fucking taking pictures of herself with her fucking stroller. Looking fucking like a fucking rat bitch, god was really going on. They're doing like some sort of fucking TikTok post with fucking strollers. Take a look at my fucking Brit tax. It's fucking 800 bucks to fucking move a kid around. Oh, there it is. Oh, this lady's letting me go. Thank you. Appreciate it. Four way, fucking four fucking bitches. Oh, that means I'm a bitch. Call it back, head! Only three bitches, yeah. And fucking one fucking Lilo and stitches, yeah. Fourth of July, man. I haven't really done a lot on that holiday. I used to go up to the quarries and fucking Gloucester and Rockport. I jumped off a fucking 62-foot cliff. It's so high that you literally have to gain garner your fucking courage. Unless you're a fucking daredevil and your, you know, your life is the X games. I used to have to fucking literally garner. Oh, I'm going the wrong way. Oh, motherfucker. I used to go the fucking wrong. Uh sorry, when I jumped off that, I had to garner the fucking pure courage to jump off it. You have to keep your legs crossed so you don't fucking your nuts don't end up in your fucking mouth. Um, you know, you can't have your arms out. You know, you gotta, you know, there's plenty of depth. You don't go that deep, especially if you're not fucking heavy. Maybe if you're heavy, you don't go deep either. I don't know. But that's what I used to do. We'd go up there and fucking eat watermelon and fucking spit it at each other, and then just jump off and clean up in the fucking quarry. It was just fresh water, fucking swimming pools. Um, I was fortunate to have that opportunity with my my dad's parents kind of grew up in Lansville and Gloucester, and they had fucking really just opportunity to access these quarries with you know on private land. Um they didn't own it. It was sort of part of like a it's now a distinguished sort of like environmental fucking area that's you know can't be sold, can't be built on. So that's kind of cool. Otherwise, I didn't have a big family, we didn't do shit. I remember the fireworks in the trailer park. I remember fucking eating cold cuts. Fucking you know you're poor when you eat fucking bologna and fucking monadella all the time. Monadella is like bologna with little fat pieces in it. It's like white pieces of fat throughout the fucking. I think it might. Can be white pieces of fat and olive. That might be olive loaf, but Montadello and fucking bologna are fucking just you know just prison fucking meats. And and and that's what we called cold cuts. You know, I don't even think we ever we never got good cold cuts. Like we never got high-end brand meat. We never got you know honey ham. We never got roast beef, we never got, you know, chicken breast. We never got turkey either. Just fucking mottella and bologna. It's fucking amazing. We would always get sliced American cheese though, that's for sure. I remember my dad making fried bologna sandwiches. Fucking, you get a fry in the bologna, and you you'd fry it and gonna put the fucking slices of bologna in there. You throw some fucking onions in there and uh the grease from the fucking bologna cooked into it. He'd squirt the fucking mustard, he'd call it mistanos! You get a fucking mistanos He'd squirt the fucking mustard in the hot frying pan and fucking fried bologna sandwiches That's him being excited about eating it. Eddie fucking ha ho, Eddie Rabbit I love a rainy night. It's fucking a hot fucking bitch fucking t yes. Uh huh. Go you fuck! Get out of the way, you fucking old bat! No! She's fucking driving her CTS like it's a goddamn fucking wheelchair. Move! Fucking rat pig bitch! Jesus. Happy Fourth of July, all. I hope you enjoy your fucking fireworks. Don't blow off any fucking noses, ears, fingers, legs. Be safe. Celebrate fucking our independence. This is our independence day! Hopefully no aliens fucking attack the major cities. But if they do, huh? Show up with some fucking baloney and monadella and fucking make them snack. Go try to find Monadella in a fucking grocery store. Do they even still sell that? It's just really classic. It's a big giant circle slice with little white pieces of fat in it. Like who the fuck would get that? I know who'd get it? My dad. Happy 4th of July, everybody. Enjoy your fucking holiday. This is the Eekshow. You can find me at Eekshow.show. Info at Eekshow.show. Check me out on fucking Apple and Amazon podcasts. Fucking Rotify. Motherfuckers are still streaming my fucking episodes. I guess they're okay with my music now, you fucking rat bitch asses. I'm not fucking telling you that you don't, you're not successful, but I am telling you you fucking took my shit down when I started the show. Inception. This is the inception. Everything starts today. You took that down and tried to fucking say that I didn't write it. That it wasn't my own fucking shit. Well, guess what? Bitch! It sure was. Now you're fucking posting all my shit. The one thing, I'm never gonna let go of the grudge I have with fucking Rotify, motherfuckers. Everybody have a good fourth except for fucking Rotify. I'll talk to you soon. This is the Ink Show. I'm out!