EEKshow
I've always believed, anything for a laugh, a look, or even a "WTF!" Reality is so Funny if told in the right way - Genius, Odd, Sad or even Scary... And that's EEK.
EEKshow
Air Travel
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EEKshow - Episode 14: Air Travel (with Song, inspired by LOST)
Traveling specifically at the airport, anywhere in the US and or World is a trip (and most mean the 2nd definition of that word)... I guess it's both definitions. Expensive, Chaotic, Hectic, Tiresome, Typically Long, Burdensome, Tight, Confining, Limiting, Stinky, Claustrophobic, Scary, Untimely, and then also Exciting, Fun, New, Thrilling, Antcipatory, Timely, and even during certain situations - Efficient.
Air Travel is able to combine so many different sections of humorous living all within one section of time while you're technically doing the same thing (Going from one place to another for work, vacation, a visit, obligations, a honeymoon, a destination sporting event, a funeral, etc...). It's the ride to the airport, parking, the airport itself, food, expenses, checking bags, bathrooms in the airport, security, boarding, the flight, bathrooms on the flight, eating or not at the airport or on the flight, drinking or not and what at the airport or on the flight, deboarding, landing, not landing, etc... RIP to all those lost on Pan Am Flight 103 back in December of 1988...
This is the EEKshow, please always Fly Safely.
"If you Seek an Episode Topic by EEK, Send Fan Mail. I'll consider every one I get"
It's EEKshow Time
This is a little fucking airplane tale.
SPEAKER_00Every time I take a plane, is that I have taken a trade because I don't want to fucking die. I just want to put a feed up. I just want the person in front of me to put the seed up.
SPEAKER_01Do you have trouble listening to the fucking airport announcements? The old school fucking Snoopy Peanuts fucking. Actually the guy was a fucking Schultz! Fucking Schultz was brilliant! He knew that fucking people speaking too close to the phone and the microphone or the speaker. They sounded like fucking botched fucking seagulls with alcohol seltzers stuck in their throats. We were recently at the airport and the woman's trying to tell us, you know what's going on with the flight. Which fucking group's gonna board? And I couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying! That one bit fucking Oh shit, man! Everybody scream Oh fucking Eekshaw!
SPEAKER_02Eekshaw's fucking at the airport! He's at the airport, huh? Give us a girl! He's thinking Eekshaw!
SPEAKER_01Come on, man, he's fucking Eekshaw is just he's flying coach! Eekshaw's flying coach, man! So I gotta deal with all that! I gotta deal with the woman! Fucking course we fly a mosaic! Eekshaw doesn't fly fucking donkey stew! They fly mosaic! Mosaic's a fucking word of royalty! Kingship! Eekshaw doesn't fly fucking donkey fucking stew or fucking group six! Group six fucking crucifix! There's no fucking overhead space left. All you got room for under your seat is a fucking bag of chips. Jet Blue's fucking snacks have gone downhill, by the way. They used to make fun of the terror blue chips! I miss those fucking blue fucking chips! Now they got fucking plantain chips! Chewy chocolate chip granola bars, fucking the It seems like the ones made by fucking prison fucking blind people! I want a fucking Dave's fucking killer fucking bread bar! Fucking 15 grams of protein, bananas, peanuts, dates, walnuts. I want a fucking hardy bar that fits the cost of fucking having a fucking check a bag! Yo man, how many bags are you gonna check for the trip? I don't know, but I know I gotta go to the fucking bank. Take out a fucking loan. Shit's expensive, fucking man! I can't afford these fucking checked bags anymore. I'm gonna start taping my fucking luggage to my body and wearing a coat. It's a good idea, Ieksho. Looking duct tape man on the plane. This is fucking ekesho's Eksho's doing the duct tape style. Travel! Shit's got fucking luggage all over himself! Doesn't even use a bag. What a fucking heroic move by the Ikshow. I got the fucking woman on tape. I'm like, did she tell us the weather? Did she tell us what group's gonna sit? Did she tell us fucking the plane's been delayed? I don't know what the fuck she's saying. It's just unreal, man. Just cackly fucking scranky fucking voice in a fucking echo-filled fucking mic. You'd think it'd be important at the airport to like at least hear or understand what the fuck's being said. That I can fucking assure you. You can't hear fucking shit. I'll tell you too that the fucking the mosaic status is supposed to be a big fucking deal, like a a privilege. Didn't fucking help one bit. Fucking the guy didn't help one fucking bit. You know? By the time I fucking heard that, they're already fucking one, two, and three, and four, and five. Like couldn't even fucking hear, and they're just speeding through the groups. There's a big fucking log jam at the gate. This is the Eek Show, and I employ you to fucking travel and bring a fucking translator when you're at the airport. That is gonna be key to what you're doing. Bring a fucking translator. You might get some fucking cackling seagull that's letting you know when your group's boarding. And of course you gotta fucking indulge into a depending on when you're traveling, say it's fucking morning, mid-mourning, you wanna get a fucking egg McMuffin and a fucking Cherry Coke Zero? Maybe some fucking agua? Sip the water? Suck down the soda? How often do you travel? Where do you travel? What airline do you take? Do you check bags or carry on? Do you carry on with checked bags? Do you carry on with unchecked bags? Do you uncheck your carry-ons? Do you check carry-offs? Fucking airport travel, man. You get the fucking security people that fucking feel up your fucking nuts and your fucking breasts if you're a woman. If I ever thought to bring a dagger on a plane, I'm not gonna put it next to my fucking privates. And I would assume the woman, same thing. She doesn't have a fucking dagger holder in her bra. You know, you check under my hat. Maybe fucking spread my ass cheeks, right? You could fucking put a dagger there, I guess, without getting hurt. Be tough to fucking walk without looking like a fucking penguin or a duck. Yo manch that guy fucking trying to sneak through the fucking security? Look like a fucking penguin, man. Oh no. That's fucking eageshow, man. He carries fucking daggers between his ass cheeks. Guy's a fucking wizard. Fucking shit ass options to eat. Yeah, can I get a bagel and maybe this the cream cheese and a fucking orange juice? Yeah, that'll be fucking $27.95. For a bagel and fucking cream cheese? And a small orange juice? That'll now be $29.95. It's fucking crazy. It's not as expensive as Disney World. I'll give the airport that. The bathrooms smell like a fucking dead cow. I was in there, I was in the bathroom, and I was like, I actually went in there just to take a piss, and then I was washing my hands and I hear like a guy in the the very last stall, the fucking, you know, sit-down stalls in the mess, in the men's restroom. And there's definitely some sort of like, you know, old fucking caterpillar slug on the floor, which let's be honest, it's probably not an old caterpillar slug. It's probably someone's fucking feces. And there's a guy in the last stall, and he's like, I'm like, yo man, you fucking okay in there? You gonna miss your fucking Pan Am flight? You know he's fucking not on Pan Am, number one, cause the fucking shit blew up, and number two, it fucking doesn't exist anymore. And I'll tell you what, you know what airlines I miss most? Fucking Piedmont! Piedmont makes its own fucking beef as well. It's fucking high-end fucking hamburger fucking cotton meat. Yeah, give me a fucking Pied Piedmont patty with extra cheese and with double fucking mini and new heart. Give me a fucking Piedmont burger, you fucking ass shit. You want a fucking airline on your burger? No, I want the fucking Piedmont PWA. This wing actualizes fucking flying? TWA, that's what it stands for. This wing actualizes flying. Should be TWAF! Tiddly wings! What a fuck! That one fucking sky planted down into the fucking Atlantic. My thought process when I fly is let's get to where we're going. I don't like long flights. Most people don't. Obviously, it's cool because you gotta watch movies or go to sleep. You gotta you gotta do something to kill the time. Read, write. Fucking beatbox. I don't wanna fucking crash. If I drown, I don't wanna be the last. Mm-mm, mm-mm. Without my fucking life pole. Mm mm mm mm-mm. I don't wanna fucking crash.
unknownMm mm.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, poke chip. I don't wanna fucking crash. People in fucking seats fucking 7A 11F. Yo man, fucking hear that beatboxing specialist in fucking 23B fucking Jordan? Clearly it's fucking Ekeshow showing off his fucking all-world beatbox. Of course he's in fucking 23B fucking Jordan. 23 fucking best. I was talking just recently, like, show up to the airport in fucking just a full fucking life jacket. One of those fucking the vest style that you go water skiing with. Just show up with that on. Have a shirt underneath that says I can't swim. Put the fucking flippers on. Just walk through the airport. You're going to you get to your gate, you're having trouble getting there because it fucking flip-flops. You walk like the big duck-billed platypus, yet again. It probably hides the fact that you're walking like a duck and you have a fucking dagger stashed in your fucking ass. You don't need to bring a dagger on the airplane, but if you want to and you're not a fucking terrorist or a killer, I don't want that on any plane. I don't want anybody with a dagger that's violent. But maybe you're a fucking Boy Scout or a hunter, or maybe you like to carve fish with a fucking fillet dagger. I could fucking fillet a fish with a dagger like you read about. You should see when I fucking raise that fucking last sail. Fucking regatta, each show regatta. He's gonna win it again, man. Just God never loses. He's a sailor, he's a climber, he's a runner, he's a fucking fish carver. Got a fucking dagger in his ass. Carves fish with it. And he gets it on the plane every time. I just show up at the fucking gate. Everybody's looking at me like guys got a fucking life jacket on, flippers. They weren't thinking about fucking potentially crashing into the ocean, Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic. You choose the ocean. I don't care. It's a fucking multiple choice. You're allowed to pick the ocean you wanna fucking splash down into. They're starting to think like, is this final destination? Fucking eight? Does he f does he show no something we don't know? So you got a fucking tractor on the weather, a tractor beam where he just knows? Shit's going down. Like two hours later, because it takes me that long to get to my seat 23B from the fucking gate, walking in flippers, all my luggage taped to myself, and the fucking life jacket, because I kinda fucking struggle to get through the middle. Of course I still say good morning to all the stewardesses and the fucking stewards. How many people out there are fucking steward or stewardess? That job would make me wanna fucking open the door and fucking drop right out of the plane. So many people are fucking rude. So many people fucking stink. They don't even wear deodorant. You wanna find out who has BO? Go on a plane. You wanna find out who has fucking shit problems? Go on a plane. You wanna find out who's uncleanly? Go on a plane and go to the bathroom. You wanna find out who's fucking out of shape, sick, dealing with fucking being around fucking people issues, go on a plane. It's fucking just a fucking flying sardine can. Fucking two hours after I get to my seat, I can't even fit in the fucking thing. But of course I'm fucking I'm on first. Right, so I've held up everybody else from getting on because I'm fucking mosaic. Royalty. Do you like fucking ordering food on a plane? The chances of you getting fucking cyclospora or fucking some rotten fucking parasite are pretty high. I wouldn't drink the water on the plane, okay? I wouldn't drink the fucking coffee that is. Bottle water, at least it's fucking only exposed to fucking melting plastic. So you can deal with that for at least 50 years. But if you drink the coffee, fucking toffee. If you drink the coffee, it's water that's from the plane, you know? I think they filter it through the fucking jet engine, those fucking big bubbles on the side of the fucking, you know, engine twos out, the bird strike part of the plane. Fucking Sully just glides it down into the fucking Hudson River. Guy was eating fucking weathens and putting cream cheese in the middle as he's saving all fucking every soul on that plane. I think he talks about that. 87 souls and Captain Party of Four and the pilot. It's like 87 to 93 people fucking touched down like a fucking water slide. None of them had coffee. That shit's fucking sewage water being brewed through a fucking filter. You never know, man. You're like, is that fucking a tinted blue coffee? They have that fucking blue shit in the fucking toilet. Remember that? They used to have just pure blue fucking like like high-intensity fucking octane Kool-Aid. Fucking blueberry flavored or colored. Shit would stain your arm. There's a scene in fucking the abyss where fucking Ed Harris is pissed off and he fuff flushes his fucking wedding ring, wedding band down the fucking toilet, and he reaches in, he's like, oh, uh whole fucking arm's blue.
SPEAKER_02Oh, um, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, um. You just are. Everybody was like, hey, can't we need to go to the uh the happiest place on earth? We're gonna make it to fucking Jamaica and lay on the beach. Oh, we're going to see our fucking cousins and aunts and uncles out in Oregon. Or is it Oregon? How about fucking Oregon me? Say it however you fucking want, man. I don't know how to pronounce every fucking state. Get the fucking shit fucking snack box. Yeah. Give me the $12 fucking box with the old fucking, you know, mini slice of fucking gouda cheese, two crackers, one fucking olive with the fucking pin in it, and a tiny little fucking, you know, containerized pad of fucking. Fucking dying. No, I'm dead. Raspberry fucking fig jam. And a fucking cookie the size of a fucking quarter. It's like you're not it's an it's it's just enough food to fucking eat a like half-alive ant. Yeah, can I get fucking eight more of those boxes, please? Yeah, that'll be $127.95. Fucking crack on loud. Pay fucking $275 for the ticket. Fucking $50 for the check-on bag. Oh, fucking air travel, man. Levart Raya. Let's air travel backwards. Everybody in the airport has got to get to where they're going. Nobody wants to fucking be in your way. Nobody wants to be in your way or their way or their own way. They won't anybody, they don't want anybody in their way. It's a bunch of fucking right back to the ants. It's a bunch of ants scurrying towards their fucking anthole. Packed, it's expensive, it's fucking hot, sweaty, smelly, it's fucking uncleanly, it's fucking greasy. It's fucking just a big fucking sardine can with wings! Where you going, Iksho? I'm going to fucking Alaska. I'm gonna fucking use my fucking carving dagger for fish. Big giant fucking salmon. Right after I fucking outrun a bear. Delicious fucking salmon steaks for dinner. Oh, and I'll fucking marinade those fuckers in some olive oil, little lemon juice and wine, spices, a little bit of honey, a little bit of soy, some sprinkled sesame seeds, and then I'll fucking bake it. Baked fucking delicious sort of sweetened semi-teriaki glaze salmon. Some fucking risotto, maybe some fresh fucking sauteed green beans. Oh you ever been part of fucking finding somebody leaving their bag like you know where it's potentially uh illegal or or something that scares you or worries you? Or you just paying attention. You see something, say something. If you say something, you had to have su seen something. If you haven't seen anything, don't say anything. If you don't say anything, did you really see anything? I saw something, so I said something.
SPEAKER_00Say that something, said something, said something. I don't wanna be caught up.
SPEAKER_01Oh man. Fucking Stapleton and fucking Justin Timberlake. Say that something, said something. They fucking saw luggage unintended, so they said something and wrote a song about it. I don't wanna caught up on my motherfucking flat for a minute. The actual fucking lyrics. If you're traveling, think ahead. Fucking get to the airport ahead. I'm sure you're gonna deal with fucking traffic. Sure you're gonna deal with someone fucking dying in the bathroom if you're a guy. Certainly you don't know what goes on in the women's bathrooms. You gotta hope they're more cleanly. Hope is a good thing. It's the best of things, and sometimes it's the only thing. And no true hope ever dies. Andy Dufrein crawled through fucking 400 yards of shit and piss I can't fucking think of. Came out clean the other side. Hope! We can only hope for all our beautiful fucking ladies that they're in a fucking bathroom that's clean and then not listen to somebody fucking die in one of the stalls. Try not to check too many bags, you're gonna fucking have to take a loan. The ticket itself is fucking too expensive, I'm sure. Oh, there you go. There's a fucking free snack for all the fucking local birds. Oh, um, right as I said that, a pigeon was flying right towards me for fucking a little meal. Sup, pigeon bitch! Come get a snack. I can fucking power a fucking bomb. It's a giant fucking skid mark right in the fucking middle of the parking lot, like something peeled out in the market basket. Yo, man! I'm gonna go fucking peel rubber in the fucking market basket lot. Really let my fucking emotions fly. Yo, man. That's gonna be fucking real cool. You're gonna deal with people in the parking lot or at night when not as many are there, when it's not open. Maybe you'll see the Ekshaw, man. I heard he does his Cybertruck hasn't caught on, has it? You invent a fucking car that looks like a giant shit fucking lunchbox. It's a shit lunchbox with no decals. You gotta fucking slap Spider-Man on the Hulk on that thing if you want people to like it. Did you ever see someone with the big dopey fucking lunchbox with no characters on it when you were younger and be like, yo man, what a cool lunchbox. Fucking cyber truck. Alright, fucking Musk. I admit you're brilliant, okay? You're fucking rich and you do a lot of things that are fucking above most people's pay grade based on your intellect and fucking techie background. But if you fucking are an artist or you're just drawing, you made a fucking shitty looking lunchbox with no decals on it. You're a fucking dope like everybody else. Can't hold down a fucking relationship to save your life. I don't know if you have kids, but I'm guessing you're a fucking shit ass dad. You look like you're a fucking, you know, LSD acid fucking. You look like your face has been potentially put in a fryator for a minute and then pulled out. You know what I mean? Again, I just I don't know why we praise so many people for things that at times you can do yourself or figure out. I'm not saying you're gonna be a fucking multi-hundred billionaire or trillionaire. But I know this. I don't wanna sit next to you on the fucking plane. I don't wanna talk to you. I just wanna throw on my headphones, take the fucking dagger out of my fucking butt cheeks, and listen to the Eek Show. This is the Eekshow.show. This is fucking episode, I think it's 14. Fucking the one four, you fucking smelly ratty fucking whore! The only reason I say that is it fucking rides, okay? I'm not insinuating anybody the whore. Oh my dad, hey, shut up, you fucking German whore, shut up! My dad would say that to my mom, he would. As crazy as that is, he would call her, she's her father was part German. He fucking fought in World War II. So he used that information to insult her. He called her a fucking fucking German fucking hour and shut up. Why would he say such awful things? Oh, there you go, kid. Free breakfast yet again. Forget about stopping off at McDonald's. Eekshow's fucking throat just gave you a snack. Eekshow.show is the Instagram for all my episodes, up and coming, fucking getting an idea of what's next. Info at Eekshow is the fucking communication device. If you you know how to use your fucking fingers on a phone or a fucking laptop or a fucking desktop PC. Whatever the fuck you choose. I enjoy all of your fucking listening ears. At one point, maybe down the road, I'll fucking take all of your ears and put them in a big cauldron. Fucking enjoy all of them at once. In a big fucking soup. Have a great week! This is the Eek Show, and I'm gone.