SPEAKER_00 0:00

I wrote this song for my dad, R.I.P. and his bluish black slacks. Never watched. Not once. It's after the buttons.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

I'm not gonna let it on my butt. I'm not gonna watch my pants. I'm not gonna let it tell me you want my blue is black. This is the Eek Show Doc Show, and I want you to know I don't want any more online fucking shopping ads! I don't want any of it! I don't want to fucking shop at Walmart for women's bathing suits! I don't need fucking socks! The fuck off my phone! Online ad fucking pige! Fuck out of my way! Hey! Fuck out of my way, bitch! Fucking hooker! Get out of my way! Fuck you say to me! I don't want any more on my ads! And I don't want people fucking cutting me off! I don't need it! The only off I want is deep woods!

SPEAKER_02 2:40

I'm going into fucking jungle to fucking hunt! Bison!

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Fucking grill up some delicious steak! Some fucking asparagus fucking spears! Make some fucking hollandaise! Drizzle that all over 'em. And eat fucking bison steak. Crunched down on fucking asparagus. And then my piss will smell like fucking some sort of fucking chemical fucking plant mix. Is there anybody that you depend on in your life that you can actually depend on? Do what you say, say what you do? Like if you're gonna say what you do, then be genuine about it. And if you do something, let's let's hope hopefully that what you said you were gonna do, goals, fucking assignments, help, you you follow through on it. You have to follow through with everything that you say. I can Gavin de Gras. I can accent it. I don't wanna be anyone other than what I've been trying to be, L. Pee-Mah. My voice isn't the real voice in the morning, man. I still got the fucking juicy fucking phlegm balls in my throat. I'm at that age where my grandfather, I'm my grandfather on my mom's side, honestly, probably from like 60 to 75. I think he passed away around 75. Another fucking 5-0, man. Right in the middle of the road. Yeah. Pull him over on the fucking main road, dude. Don't go up fucking 50 feet to the fucking parking lot where everything would be fine. You'd be out of the fucking way, dude. Bass fuck. Jesus, fucking Christ, man. Get out of the way! I don't give a rat's fuck you got a badge. Get out of the way! Pull up into the fucking parking lot! You fucking stuttered bitch! Jesus fucking five hoes, man! Bunch of fucking hoes! Five hoes! I'm not trying to make fun of women, I'm talking about fucking badges! Out of my way, bitch! This is the Eek Show on a fucking gorgeous Tuesday morning! Filming audio. Oh, it doesn't make any sense. Recording voices. Never stops. Revan pots. Never stops backwards. Revan pots! Oh, is there anybody you depend on in your life that you need to be able to depend on, but you can't? You just fucking can't. My dad could always depend on oh dude. Look at this fucking b small, dude. It's one of the fucking grocery store butchers, man. Yo! Come on and cut my fucking steak. My fucking the sirloin tips of my project today, man. Sure, that took a lot of training. Fucking two times you do it and you fucking know how to do it for the rest of your life and can teach a fucking infant to do it. What a skill, man. Good luck chopping your fucking sirloin, you fucking white coat wearing bitch! Hey! Eekshow.show is fucking where you can find out about all the shows. Info at eekshow.show. Type in a goddamn request! No say bitch. Oh, he does have a decal on it. He's got the decal of a red tiger on the back. What a fucking douche rocket. A black cyber truck with a red outline of a tiger on the back. That's one you just want to ram off the fucking road. I might buy a plow just so I can come back and ram it into the side of that.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yo, eekshow, you getting into plowing? No.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

I just wanna go back to the parking lot I was in this morning, filming the eek show. Oh, got it again! Video, I mean audio taping the eek show, and uh, I'm gonna smash into a cyber truck and then throw the plow out so I don't get caught. Cyber fucked! My dad could depend on me. He was the kind of guy that would drive down the road and if he saw shit on the side of the road. Even highways, he'd fucking stop. He'd stop and go back and try to get it. Even if it was something fucking ridiculous. Certainly a big fucking hat guy, or if he saw some sort of like pallet of wood or a fucking potential, I mean something that could fit in the home. He never looked for furniture, that's for sure. And we needed furniture. We didn't have a fucking couch in the house. Ooh, uh, there you go. That'll fucking wake you up on the West Coast. Wake up, fucking Wonka! Fucking skinny bitch! Oh, I love the fucking fall away, brother, and the killer eyes. You knew he was gonna get hot playing fucking two-on-two, three on three. If you saw the fucking mean mugging eyes, man. Hawkman would have become fucking unstoppable. The fadeaway, the fucking 20-footer. He even would use the glass. Oh, I love when players use the glass. So my dad was just one of those, uh, a real life fucking hobo hermit. You know, the kind of guy that you see, maybe that lives next to the dump and just collects everything. My dad had an addiction. He just, one time we're driving home from his dad's up in Gloucester. Perfect storm Gloucester. We're driving back on 128. Up at 128, uh, you know, coming back from fucking Gloucester, up in Rockport, yeah, and we had some uh some of the Haddock chowder. And uh you had the oyster crackers and the uh, you know. We talked to the skipper that that delivered the fish. The part about coming back from Gloucester and having fish chowder, that part's all true. I just added in fucking Boston fucking vernacular.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

Oh you say vernaculars?

SPEAKER_00 9:42

I said vernacular. I'm a fucking dictionary. We're driving back, we're like going fucking like 70. Maybe 68. And the old fucking yellow Chrysler of a baron look like fucking Starsky and Hutch, only it's fucking Eekshow and fucking dad. And we're Eekshow and Dad. Catch it Thursday night. If there's something on the side of the road, dad is gonna stop and check it out. He fucking sees a hat on the side of the fucking highway, 128. You see the fucking hat? He pulls over in the breakdown lane, we're at least 100, 150 yards, 200 yards beyond it, but he's got fucking pilot vision when it comes to shit on the side of the road. Even on the fucking highways. Yeah, I gotta go back and drink. It look like a fucking hat. I'm like, dad, it's a fucking hat. Okay, so you saw a hat. I saw a fucking bunch of trash on the side of the road, too. By the way, that hat is trash. You know what I mean? It's fucking trash. Even if it flew off someone's head, it's now become trash. You know? I guess unless it's a fucking Bruins lid with a flat brim or a fucking Syracuse hat, then maybe. But honestly, I'm not looking for hats when I'm driving down the road. Even in a fucking slow neighborhood. If I'm going five or sixty-five, whoa, I'm not looking for fucking shit to go stop and pick it up. I don't know, you just get past that line in your life, right? Maybe when you're a kid. I mean, if you see money on the ground, sure. If it's a quarter or higher, I'd pick it up. If it's a dime or a nickel, penny, don't pick up the pennies. I don't even pick up, I wouldn't pick up the dime or the nickel either. Unless it was like thousands of dimes, you know, then I might get a shovel and fucking scoop it into a sack. Wear my fucking Santa off it while I do it. Dude, you're gonna see that fucking hat! I'm like, I didn't see the hat. You gotta go, but we gotta get going and check it out. So he pulls over on the fucking breakdown lane on the highway. Which I can tell you at this point, I mean, this is back in this is back in the actual fucking maybe late 80s. Early 90s, probably late 80s. It might be like 1988 or 1989. Legit, that's not a fucking lie. Van Halen's album had been out like, you know, 1984, he'd been out four or five years. Fucking little baby smoking a fucking jack. The baby's gone to heaven but still smokes. What a fucking power move that is. So he's got me walking back with him, because the car's on the side of the road, and what I was gonna say is by thousands of people have died like that. You know, you just get hit. Because not everybody driving, everybody driving makes mistakes, and on the highway, it's fast, and the breakdown lane sometimes can be a lane where you swerve into it or you don't pay attention. At least there was no texting back then. You know, that that obviously probably saved lives. I hope you don't text while you drive, by the way. If you have kids, that's a big one. Just you gotta get them to say you cannot do this. Even if you have the phone on a fucking holder like I have right now. Oh, the phone is in it! Like a glove! It's like my parking. I know I've used like a glove before. Smoking. I I definitely just don't let them text. Put a fucking big decal. Throw a fucking Nike sign on it or some fucking skulls. Don't text. So they fucking don't think it's uh not cool. It's a fucking hat. It's a shit hat. I love the Mac truck hats. You know that fucking Mac truck? Yeah, the the Mac truck's been around since uh long fucking time, in the 20s. You know, Ed Ed Ch Ed Chihuahua Ed Chihuahua. Ed Chihachica, he used to work for the Mac truck. My dad would have conversations all the time and say, like, oh yeah, you know Ruth Hotry? Yeah, she's that um the one who always brought the flowers to the fucking biscuitable church. And um she uh he just he would talk to you in a way that whoever you were, stranger, I guess family member, that whoever he knew and was close with, that you just assume you were gave a fuck about that person. Which I can tell you, sometimes I knew who he was talking about because it was my family, and other times I had no fucking clue, especially when I got older and I didn't see him anymore. You know? When I moved away, I wanted to fucking move away. Like I I didn't have the fictitious, like it fictitious is the wrong word to say. For my life, it's fictitious. I didn't have the non-fiction life where you're always close to your family. Like I feel like now my family is the best thing in the world, and I don't I've done the right things and they've done the right things for us to care about each other forever. Like, we would be at each other's fucking funerals. Like, I certainly was there at the end of my both of my parents' life, neither of them had a funeral, but it was based on caring and doing the right thing character-wise. You know, I would say like good person, do the right thing, obligation. You're supposed to love your mom and dad. That is not the type of family we had, though. And then I think that part of people's life, do not take that for granted because it is not there and as common as you think with everybody. There's so many divorces, there's so many bad parents, there's so many bad people. If there's a lot of bad people out there, okay, that do all these bad things, crimes, awful crimes, cheating, fucking abuse, uh you you name it, whatever you want to come up with, a lot of those fucking people are guys and women that are parents. And you don't just have to like somebody because they're in your family. That is not blood, it is not always thicker than water. I mean, I there's all these things out there about people that say shit, but every person's fucking different. Every situation's different. I'm not gonna judge your situation, so how the fuck could you judge mine? You don't know it. You gotta walk in someone else's shoes to really know. It's like it's like parenting. You can't fucking say shit to people that are parents and say, you know, I would do this, and you don't know what the fuck their situation is. Everybody out there is doing the best they can to parent their kids, whatever situation they have. Do they have enough money? Where do they live? How do they cope? What are the families like? Are they do they did they integrate? Do they get along? Is there religion involved? Is there culture involved? Finances, like I said, and then you have all the vices, right? Is there an addiction of any sorts and any kind on either side of the marriage? Like, family is not as just snap, crackle, pop as everybody sees it on TV. Or some of these people talk to you about just like that's your family, man. You gotta, yeah. I feel that now about my family. Now, the one that I've been able to build with an unbelievable woman that it's our family. We earned it. We earned it. We earned it from the day that we met, getting through probably some stupid shit that every relationship goes through, but never anything bad. No cheating, no lying, maybe fucking, you know, fibs, like, you know, or you know, you are you are you gonna have more than a beer tonight? You know, it's like I might have more than one, you know. I think 15 constitutes more than one. But that's that's shit too. Like, at the end of the day, you realize that all that shit that you do that you think's fun, it's it's it's interpretive, man. You know, if you if you if you have anything that you potentially lose because of a mistake, being fucking selfish, you you you gotta fucking straighten up. It's just that simple. I'm not saying I'm telling you you gotta do that, I'm saying I did that. And I think that's a key part of people's fucking lives is facing that you're you're fucking up in certain areas, whatever it is, being motivated, you know, and maybe you're the most wonderful parent and wonderful person in the world, and that's fantastic. Then I commend you, but it's not, it did not happen in my family when I was younger. So sorry for that soliloquy, but sometimes the eek show can make you fucking cry, make you think, make you fucking ponder the world instead of just fucking laughing and taking a fucking rat dump. I hope you do both. I hope you cry on the toilet while you're laughing and dropping a fucking bat! But before you flush it, I want you to think about the story. Can you depend on somebody? My dad can depend on me as his son. 128, just had some fucking chowder. One of the buttered rolls. Butter had melted down into the bread. I fucking, you know, the the veterans use the bread and dip it into the chowder. It's the creamy, fucking goopy New England style. Oh, God. Cotter had it typically. Clam chow, I like. My dad fucking want the clam, and I want a fucking rubber band in my fucking throat.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

And no one needed to fucking clam. I want the fish chowder.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

You know, what the fucking give me like seven, eight, nine packs of crackers. He takes the hat. I believe it was a Mac truck hat. Yeah, a Mac truck. I believe it was a Mac truck hat. We get back in the car, and I I I need to tell you this. My dad's wearing the the 35-year-old. He's worn them every day to every other day since I've known him. I guess 35 would mean he had them well before I was born, but let's call him 35 years old, okay? I'm probably whatever it is. Fucking 11, 12. Maybe I'm 13, fucking lucky Friday the 13th. I don't have a Jason mask on, but for the year of 13 in my life, I should have won a fucking Jason mask the whole year. I should have just lived in that fucking thing. Just walked around in a fucking jumpsuit, not talked to anybody, still do well in school, still fucking rip fucking laser beams and baseball down the fucking third baseline, just inside. Of course, fair, not foul. I should have won the mask the whole year I was 13. We're in the car, that's the slacks he's wearing. He called them slacks. They're blue. They they have like a color of sort of dirt and blue. So it's a it's a mix. Whatever brown and blue makes, maybe that makes fucking blackish fucking soil. Soil. I think soil might be a a slacks colour that my dad wore. I put this again tricked it in my collection. It's not like my dad would go home, by the way, and wash the hat. Like, I don't think I ever saw my dad ever do laundry either. Not ever. Not only did I never see him shower, I never saw him do a load of laundry. I never saw him fold a piece of clothing. I don't know if I ever saw him tie a pair of shoes. He'd always wear these fucking shit ass loafers. I never saw him wear sneakers. I never saw him tie a pair of shoes. Not ever. I never saw him shoot a basketball. He he had a good arm. He was a lefty. Southpaw! Yeah, I like him because he's a fucking southpaw. It's fucking awesome. These are all true fucking memories, man. I I this is shit I haven't even thought about in fucking 30, 40 years, man. But my mind is like a fucking one of those eight balls. You shake it, and the fucking answer just comes to the top, right through the purple liquid, shines right down on the fucking world, and you live by it. Ek show ball. We get home, we're walking into the fucking shit trailer, of course, fucking squeezing up the side ramp, because we can't fucking move up it with all the shit. By the way, if you wanted to fucking break into my house, I can't remember if I said this, but there's a key, it's right under one of the coffee tins, right out the front door. So have at it. Walk in and steal all the cards and coins you want. Oh shit, kid. Nobody ever broke in somehow. They did steal my brother's fucking CBR motorcycle, though. Another true story, they took one of those bolt cutters and cut right through it. So he starts freaking out. He's like, I got a fucking hole, I had a hole in my pocket, I got a 50 in there. He starts telling me that he had a $50 bill in his pocket. Okay, he starts telling me he's got a $50 bill in his pocket, and now it's not there. And I'm telling you, man, a $50 bill. I mean, it has value, right? I'm not gonna lie and act like a rich bitch. I'm not fucking bourgeoisie or uppity. $50 isn't a lot of money, but it still has value. And it's a $50. I think, I think my dad, like me, he just liked the $50. He didn't call it $50. I don't there was no $50 back then, god.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

He's like, hey, fucking, he lost his 50.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

It must have fucking come out when I went to get the hat on the fucking highway. We gotta go back. He's like, we gotta go back to the fucking highway where he got out like a fucking hermit hobo to get a fucking Mac truck fucking mesh piece of trash hat coming back from fucking seeing his dad up in Gloucester after the chowder. I'm like, in my head, even as a kid, I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. But I also knew it was a chance for me to fucking put on my fucking I find shit fucking monocle. You ever fucking rocked the monocle? I'm bringing it back. I talked about it just recently. I'm gonna start wearing a fucking monocle.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yo, man! Eekshow's wearing a monocle! I can fucking see. He can see fucking safety pins from fucking one side of the end zone to the other.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Eekshow monocles are flying off the shelves. True story, we fucking drive back.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

It's not like we knew where we were. I didn't fucking take a photo of the mile marker. There was no iPhones. We didn't have a fucking instant camera with us. We took a picture when we got out and got it. But we knew we were on the side coming back, right? And I think, I can't remember. I think I'm north, so is it 128? It's probably 128 south, so we're coming back north, or or maybe as we went north, yeah, it's 128 north, we're coming back south. That's it. 128 north, so we're coming back 128 south. That's with the side we were on. And we knew probably, at least it seemed like both of us knew, it was in the vicinity of, say, a 500-yard stretch. 500 yards. Crawled through 500 yards of shit and piss. Andy Dufresne makes another episode. Guy was a fucking legend. He was in jail for the wrong reasons, and he fucking broke out. Fucking built a hole behind that poster. What in God's name, by the way, fucking prison if you murdered somebody? Would they allow you to have a fucking photo or a picture of a fucking hot girl on the wall? That doesn't that's probably not even allowed now. In 2026. I'm sure it wasn't allowed fucking back when Sha Shang came out, or even when the movie was written. It just doesn't make any sense. Maybe it was like a fucking, it wouldn't made more sense if it was like a fucking uh poster of like something religious. Cause the warden was religious. He believed in the Bible. Him allowing the fucking girl poster. I guess it's cause he like had a relationship with them to do shit for him, you know. The mischievous, I'll give you some perks because you're fucking making me money because you're a fucking banker. We drive back, we start fucking scouring. Keep in mind now we're looking for something we don't know is there. Because my dad had a hole in his fucking 35-year-old, fucking soil colored bluish black slacks. Yo, you go to see that new band? Bluish black slacks? Yeah, man, they got a cool sound. They play up in Gloucester at the fucking at that fucking that sick fucking chowder place. They got the back porch on the water and they fucking they just a jam band, man. Bluish black slacks, fucking slap. We must have been there for fucking an hour, but inside my head, I knew with my monocle that I was gonna find it. My dad doesn't move quickly. 500 yards is a long way. I'll tell you it probably was 250, but 500 yards makes it more realistic because we really didn't know exactly where it was. Again, we didn't know the mile marker. We just knew it was between one spot and the other, and probably less than a half mile. So it's possible if we walked up and down the side of the highway, where we found the hat, better yet, where he saw the hat and where he went to stop and get the fucking trash hat with his son, maybe we'd find the 50 in or around that spot. In about an hour in, maybe an hour and 19 minutes, in Vietnam, he was 19, na na 19. Fucking 80s hit. I saw a piece of paper that looked like it was folded and a 5-0 I won it! The Fitty was staring back at me through my monocle!

SPEAKER_03 28:50

I had found the Fiddy! I'm like, Dad, I found the 50! Like, oh shit! Oh fucking shit! You fucking found it! You found the 50! Swear to god, that was a reaction. He's like, oh you fucking shit! You little fucking, you little fucking hot shit! You little fucking hot shit! You little fucking hot shit!

SPEAKER_00 29:14

My dad used to say hot shit, and it had nothing to do with going to the bathroom or going to the bathroom. You little fucking hot shit! But I'll tell you what, man. Ask yourself, can you fucking rely on anybody? Can you depend on somebody? My dad can depend on me! Because I found his fucking $50 bill that day. We didn't have a lot of fucking father-son moments. We really didn't. My whole life. I was an independent person, I did well in school, I worked, I paid for my own shit, I bought my own fucking Air Jordans, I bought my own fucking Malcolm X Nike's, I bought my own fucking clothes, I paid for my own fucking dinner, lobster, shrimp. When we'd go out to eat. And I don't mean when I was five or six, I mean when I was 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. 100% in high school. When we'd go to Maine, if I wanted lobster, I paid for it. Even if we were with fucking our family with another family, which we did up in Wells, fucking slew Maine! Wells is slew backwards. You wanna get the fucking lobster? You gotta fucking pay for it. So I guess if I got the hot dog of the cheeseburger, or the fucking Mac and fucking squeeze cheese, maybe he would have paid, or maybe they would have paid. Maybe the family with us would have paid. But they didn't. I fucking paid, man. I was always working, always doing odd jobs to have cash on me to buy my own fucking fireworks and smoke bombs. And fucking double lobsters up in Wells, Maine, and Billy's chowda house. I found the 50! I found the 50. And my dad was happier than a fucking pig and shit. You're a little fucking hot shit. I'll never forget it, man. I hadn't thought of that story until recently when the Eek Show started to come together, and I had actually recorded this in a prior episode, but it just didn't fit. I didn't like it. But I like this one. So I hope the Eek Show fucking listeners out there across the land, across the globe, Ebog, I hope you all enjoyed the tale. He's now back to even, Steven, with the 50 and a brand new Mac truck fucking trash hat. Still wearing the soil fucking soaked trousers or bluish black slacks who are indeed playing again late August up in Gloucester. This is the Eek Show. I hope you have someone that you can depend on, or I hope that someone you care about or thought you cared about or do care about or don't care about can depend on you. The one thing I'll always say is I'm reliable. Eek show's reliable, eek show's dependable. I don't talk shit. Whatever I say, I do. Whatever I do, I say. I might talk about it, but I absolutely fucking do it. Actions are a whole lot more important than words. Words matter. They do matter. But the things I remember deeply about my dad, my parents, or the people that I don't like is what they did. Not what they fucking said. Not that someone fucking swears and doesn't talk in an appropriate way.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

Yeah, you got potty bell. Yeah, you're so fucking blasphemous. Yup.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

But what do I do? You don't fucking know shit about me, and I don't know shit about you. I'll tell you this. Don't talk. Walk! Have a good week. And the one thing find someone you can depend on. Find someone you can depend on. The people I depend on, they're inside my four walls now. My wife, my daughter, and my two dogs. And that's it. Sure, there's other people that I care about and that could depend on me, but there's nobody else in my life that I expect that I can depend on. I keep my fucking circle, my world small. This is the Each Show. I'm out!