EEKshow
I've always believed, anything for a laugh, a look, or even a "WTF!" Reality is so Funny if told in the right way - Genius, Odd, Sad or even Scary... And that's EEK.
EEKshow
Then Shut Up!
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EEKshow Episode 24: Then Shut Up!
Most people hear things when they're growing up, as kids, as friends, and even when you get older as you get married, as adults (from your spouse), or even from your current family, your own kids. They even hear catch phrases or repetitious ticks on repeat that come from you, and or they deliver themselves. We call them isms in our family, we all have them (but luckily, no real negative ones to speak of). My past family also had several of them, predominately coming from my dad, and ALL of them were negative ones (at times even, very negative)... None more repetitive than the two words he said to us all, and especially to my mother, over and over and over and over and over again... SHUT UP! He would also somehow manage to throw a set up word like preposition into his repetitous statement, "THEN, Shut UP!" Usually it would follow him doing something or watching TV, "Are you gonna let me watch this, THEN SHUT UP!"
There's no best way to describe my father's communication style, or who he truly was, how he was, and or how he spoke to my mother, brother, and me. It's simply a way of life that we all learned to accept, live with. I even turned it into impressionism, humor, and in a unique way… continuosly re-enacting all the negativity to keep others/I laughing. Recounting and impersonating fatherly stories from when I was a child right on through to this very day has helped shaped my entire life.
I'm thankful for the EEKshow, I'm thankful for the past, as it has led me to how and why I am who I am today.
So please, are you gonna listen to the EEKshow? Then, SHUT UP (and lock in)!
"If you Seek an Episode Topic by EEK, Send Fan Mail. I'll consider every one I get"
It's EEKshow Time
For all you people. I'd like to tell you about my dad's favorite catch phrase. It was a simple one. But just as penetrating to the soul. You made a noise. Or you made a sound. He taught you to shut up. Welcome to shut up.
SPEAKER_04It's the eagle.
unknownIt's the egg show.
SPEAKER_04Are you gonna let me listen to the egg show? And shut up. Are you gonna let me listen to the egg show? And shut up. I said Are you gonna listen? Let me listen to the egg show. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Anyway, get a shutter. Ain't gonna fucking shut up. I ain't gonna fucking shut up. She's not saying anything. She's just sitting there. Can't walk and just sitting there helpless.
SPEAKER_03But I know this was my mom's inner monologue.
SPEAKER_05She's not saying anything back.
SPEAKER_04Shut up. It's fucking Oh, it's amazing. It really is, man. Yo, man, how'd you get all your fucking material? You know, how'd you put your show together? Yeah, I just uh I grew up, you know, I grew up with a fucking fucking beast dad, God. Guy like to fucking put extra fucking whipped cream in the flaky puffs, god's enough whipped cream. Crunch up cheese curls and put them in his soup. He liked fucking quadruple mayonnaise on his burgers. Yeah, give me the can you put a fucking uh ladle spoon in my mayonnaise on my burger? Hey! Shut the fuck up! Try to talk to the fucking burger guy! You can't let me out of my fucking burger? Then shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You get it? Now shut up! Just sitting there. She's not talking back. But I talked back. The youngest of the family always talks back. No, you shut up! Didn't work out well for me. But I wasn't gonna fucking I was gonna go wall to wall, and I'm gonna go din up on it. I don't wanna dinner in it on it. I don't know. Oh fucking pock blocking dropping right now. And then it's done woo to wall. Breezy cat, breezy. Ain't killing me. Listen to the eek show. They shut up. This is the eek show. On a Monday morning, fucking legit cold air in the sky. On the roads. I can see the fucking bugs are covering up. They've got their cotton jackets around them. I saw a couple ants like, oh shit, man. It's cold. Make sure the fucking queen ant covered in fucking wool. You think the queen ants down there like where the fuck are all my other fucking worker ants, man? Those fuckers have been playing outside all fucking all summer. They're not coming home, God.
SPEAKER_03I killed all the ants with a magnifying glass. I redirect his son right up their fucking ass. I killed all the ants with a magnifying glass.
SPEAKER_04Oh, imagine driving into the Y and not fucking seeing a car, man. You're like, I can park anyone. First one's here. First one's here. Why'd you park so far away, Dad? Well, when we leave, we'll be the first ones out. Or it's closed. No! Labor Day! What a fucking what a play on words Labor Day is. It's Labor Day, but nobody works! What do you what do you do on work day? Fucking stay home? Fuck off, man. Yo man, what are you doing for Labor Day, man? I think I fucking um you know I gotta just fucking sleep. The word labor means work, man. Yeah, it means it means you get the day off. I don't get it, man. I don't really don't. You know? On Christmas, you celebrate Christ. Halloween, you sell celebrate fucking hell and fucking wean two words that's anonymously fit. It's like fucking hot dogs and Mustados. You healing me what you fucking eat shut up. Shut your fucking mouth. Shut up. My dad had fucking Labor Day holiday every day. Fucking get up at 11 Sat in my fucking chair for two hours and fucking fucking climate stats. Maybe. Some cheese eggs. Dad! It's fucking four o'clock! You haven't done anything or move from your chair! Let me list the eat jump? Then shut up. I'm gonna fuckin' I'm gonna fuckin' put a fucking bat in your skull! Now shut up! Dad! It's now six o'clock. Mimi! I'll cook up some fucking roast bean and then make it greeny. Dad, it's nine. He'd go to bed at fucking mid. My dad would go to bed like past everybody. He'd be up till 12 or 1 at night. Sleep till 11. So he's still going to bed way late. He's like, ah, he's not getting that much sleep. You know what I mean? No, that's not that's not accurate. You know, just because he goes to bed at 12 or 1, he gets up at 11 or 12. He's still getting 12 hours. Oh it's bowl Little fucking perfect fucking roast. So the fucking gym's closed. Glad I remembered that. Drove in ready to fucking work out and nobody's there, man. That's a good time, huh? You got plans of what to do and show up and nobody's there, man. Not a fucking single soul. Soulless?
SPEAKER_06Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello.
SPEAKER_00Hello. Hello. Is anybody there? Is anybody there? Is anybody there? Is anybody there? Is anybody there? Is anybody there? Is anybody there?
SPEAKER_04Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Just sat there, man. Never said anything back. He said a lot of really crazy fucking things, but shut up. Shut up was the big one. Shut up is just imagine if you said shut up to somebody all the time and meant it. Like aggressively meant it. You know what I mean? Not not just screwing around. Like you aggressively are telling somebody, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up. You know? A lot of times you'd be like, shut the fuck up. You're joking, right? You're joking. Shut up, man. You know, like it's not. There's no venom in it. My dad would say it with venom. And he gave me shut up! Shut up! Just kept fucking getting louder and madder. Shut up! Dad, she's not saying anything back! Shut up! Oh man, he would fucking just he'd want his head to pop. He'd get so loud. Just fucking just insane asylum patient. Shut up! My mom would be sitting there just, you know, looking on in horror. Fucking crying out loud. Imagine you're in a chair as a fucking grown adult.
SPEAKER_03Once again, I could hear my mother's inner monologue.
SPEAKER_04And capable. You know what I mean? Like uh, you've got confidence in yourself. You're intelligent, you know, deeply fucking committed and proud of your life and who you are. Which I can just tell you, unfortunately, my mom was not that. She didn't feel that way about herself, you know? She was just very insecure and dainty and ashamed a lot. She dealt with a lot of fucking unfortunate stuff by being paralyzed for so long and with a, you know, I gotta be honest, just a verbally and physically abusive husband.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna fucking tell you, fucking ass up, and shut up! I'm gonna fucking shut your squad up.
SPEAKER_04That's just facts, cuz. She got whacked! That's facts! Oh! Oh! Little power blue, he's in the money! Oh! Fucking dice clay, man! Yo, man! My my mom wheeled down the hallway! She got hit in the head with a bat! Oh! Eekshow trying to do the fucking- is that Ekshow Dice Clay again? Andrew Dice Clay, if you're out there, you're listening. Fucking your old shit was genius, man. I love when you got in that fight with that CNN reporter. That's fucking amazing. I just saw that the other day. It was fantastic, man.
SPEAKER_06Remain calm and assist family members or neighbors. Exchange. Sensitive electric equipment such as computers and televisions.
SPEAKER_05Turn off major electric appliances that were major electrical plants.
SPEAKER_06Electricity is restored. Keep your feet and freezer doors closed as possible.
SPEAKER_04I don't know, Andrew Guy's Clay. I thought he was uh extremely funny. I love Ford Fairlane. Um that movie was uh just a kind of a hidden treasure when I was young, man. Quick, looked down the back of my dress. Little boy blue, we needed the money. Oh I fucking loved it. Little Tony Soprano. Oh! Oh! Oh I love that, man. Okay, um the woman in the wheelchair ordered a drink and took her too long. Her husband smashed her in the head. Oh! Alright, man, too far. I took the bit too far. I got it! I got it, okay? I fucking got it! I'm taking, you know, immediate feedback. In the right corner. Fucking torment, man. Fucking torment! Sometimes you fucking do shit for so long you just feel tormented. Oh you can't let me watch this? You can't let me listen to the fucking eat job. Then shut up. Shut the fuck up. You fucking sh shut up. Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Dad! She still hasn't said anything! You said you told her to shut up! 54 times, and she hasn't said anything! Shut up! Shut up! You get louder and louder like he's hey uh we need you uh we need you we gotta do again we gotta do another take, man. Uh you haven't said shut up loud enough. Shut up! No director, no PAs on set, no AD. This wasn't a filming session.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to Eat Show, Director and Producing Movie Studios. We'll be on site to always help you get your film out on time.
SPEAKER_04This was just belittling at its finest. Belittle, okay, what a word. Belittle means just put someone down over and over again, just using their own shit against them, making them feel tiny, small, inferior. Making them feel like they deserve to be under a rock. Ma, mom, huh? Are you how how's it feel when when dad makes you feel like you live under a rock? She didn't like it, man. She didn't like it. She didn't like it. Shut up! Fucking Sometimes you'd hear that like faint scream from shut up. It wasn't always in the same room, right? We lived in a trailer, you know what I mean? So literally, if you had a loud fart, you could hear it from one end of the trailer to the other. A hundred percent. Okay. Now I gotta get something from the garage, because the fucking the why, and now I know why, is fucking close. Because everybody's fucking not doing anything on Labor Day. The meat the word means work and everybody's fucking sleeping. No sleep till Pembroke. No sleep till Pembroke. I'll fucking go hit some golf balls. You hear that each job? Hear those clubs? Fucking labor day. Try to go to the gym. I'll fucking go hit some golf balls. I'll go hit some fucking golf balls. Shut up. Dad, nobody said anything to you. Shut up! Shut you fuck up. It's not funny to you, is it? Mm-hmm. I I I gotta be honest, at times it wasn't funny for me, huh? But I turned it into funny. Mm-hmm. I made it fucking humorous. I turned it into fun. Mm-hmm. Eekshow, why are you uh why are you crying, man? Why why you piss your pants? My my dad my dad's trying to kill me and my my brother and my mom. Jesus Christ, man. Is this a fucking Ekeshow or is it a horror story? It's both It's fucking both Eek Show. Eek fucking grow. Oh, um the temperature just fucking perfect. How you get you fucking coffee? The temperature, how'd you get it so perfect? I uh put a thermometer in it every morning, man. You don't use it to take a temperature when you're sick? No man, I use thermometers in my coffee. I need it to be the exact same temperature every day, man. Oh yeah. Fucking bowl, fucking rocket ship cup. You need it on a fucking early morning when you're supposed to go to the gym and the fuckers closed. You drive into a fucking empty lot and shit. Fucking drive right out, God. I know it's fucking you see someone you kind of really don't want to say bye to or you don't like, you're like, ah blah blah blah. People like, hey, see you later, man. You see someone in like fucking Who does something stupid like, oh hey man, I'm going to fucking demon busters after this? You're like, oh law fucking wada slow fucking wada like fucking see you later fucking douche rocket. See you later, Goon Squad. Blind driveway, cut. Can't see it. Fucking. I want to see that fucking the vanity plate blind driver. I know B L N D D R V. So B L N D D R V. That'll fit. Blind Driver. So it's blind driver. You see you see the person in there like they're in the woods, of course. Making their way through trees. Hey man, can you see anything? Go for that old stream, man. You beep, you're like, hi man! Yo! You came in! You driving in the woods! I love that vanity plate! Yo! Love the vanity plate, man! Labor day! Everybody wake up! Yeah, you're gonna fucking sleep in, man! It's fucking no work day, man! This purple fucking Honda dish rocket! Fucking Labor Day! Everybody's waking up! Here we go! Get up! Sleep in! Fucking time to get up! World's fucking awake, sun's out! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! It's a beautiful day in Eek Show's neighborhood! Oh won't you be my? Could you be my? Won't you be my listener? Shut up! And we're listening to the fucking Eekshow! Shut up! This is the Eekshow.show! What word did you hear the most when you were a kid? When you were with your family? Was it don't touch that? Turn the TV down. Go to your room. Go do your homework. Drink your milk. Haha, I heard that one a lot. Drink your fucking milk! Drink your milk! You little fucking shit! Drink your milk! Fucking hated milk when I was a kid, man. Hated it. I don't want to drink a fucking white liquid that comes from a fucking cow's fucking bubble on the bottom of his fucking stomach. That's an odor, man. How about this? You better outta you better shut up! You own her shut up! Fucking really bad. Bad fucking intel, man. It's bad material. Cut that out. You know, you know, omit that. I'm gonna omit you. Omituary cat? No. The eek show omituary. It's fucking encyclopedia of facts and fucking shit that I took out. What did you hear when you were young over and over again? Take the trash out! There you go, little fucking lung butter. Yo, you got some of that fucking lung butter from my toast?
SPEAKER_05Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_04Eh! I think you're gonna go with the peach mill, but instead, man. No, man, go with the lung butter. Shit's fucking sour, man. Gives it a real punch. Like, ha! Can't even get through the bread, man. Ha ha. Mud. I love when the fucking tide goes out and you can just see fucking clams reaching up with their little fucking mutant fucking tongues. Or arm or whatever the fuck that thing is. It's got that little fucking like gross little fucking cloth blanket fucking black piece of fucking cloth you have to pull off the neck. Oh, it's the neck. The neck when you eat them. Jip, you use the neck and rinse it out in the clam broth and dip it in the butter and just fucking chew through an elastic. I just saw the fucking clam. Get me out of the mud, man! Fuck up, clam bitch! Fucking clam kid. Hock a clam. You ever heard that in high school? Yo, what a fucking clam, man. You just hawked a fucking clam. Basically, that's a fucking young kid like using that fucking technique to like hawk up a fucking you know snot glu gluey fucking phlegm ball and spit it out. Yo ho look at him! Eekshaw just fucking hawk a clam, cuh! Hock the clam. Just shuck a clam, you hock a clam. I didn't shuck any clams. I did shuck oysters. I'm gonna fucking shuck your fucking brain, cuh. Eekshow.show, info eekshow.show. What did you hear? Clean your room, fucking. Get upstairs. Help your mom. Clean up your mom fucking shit. Clean it up. Fucking pull your curtain. Oh, uh, there you go, huh? Close your close the door. Fucking don't slam the door. Um don't talk at the dinner table. Ho ho, militant. Eat fucking shit. Eat shit's a nice one, man. My dad would say that. You're gonna fucking eat shit! Thank god I never did eat shit. What else did you hear? Um, my guess is you didn't hear shut the fuck up, you Czechoslovakian fucking bitch. Or uh, I'm gonna bury ya. Don't fuck a fucker. Cause you haven't fucking fuck you. Yeah, shut up. You didn't hear that one. I know you've heard all this stuff, right? You listen to the Eek Show, so you've heard some of the shit. Again, I'm not telling you this because I'm ashamed or that I want sympathy. I'm telling you because the shit's funny, man, it's fucking funny. Dark, sadistic, crazy shit is funny. That's just the way it is. It is. That's just the way it's just the way it is. It's just the way it is. Dad, you got a good voice. Shut up! I hope you enjoyed this week's Eek Show. It's uh hearing the word shut up in my home with like literally oxygen fucking coming in and out of your fucking lungs. Well, you know, tainted oxygen based on the fucking bathroom having no door. I can't get I got that fucking shit air in my throat again, dad. Shut up! Oh shut up was what I heard the most, man. Oh, from all angles. To the mom, to the brother, to the fucking cats. Shut the fuck up! Eat your food, you little fucking pussy bitch! That's about a cat, okay? That's not to a woman. That's to a cat. That's to fucking cats. Fucking pansy, topaz, melody. All fucking heroic names. Buster. It's a little song I used to sing to my brother's cat. Hell! Alistair! So bad, so bad. Oh! That was a deer, man! What's up, fucking deer bitch? Come back and fucking cut your antlers off and fucking cook steaks. You know, eek show, man! You don't even use fucking skewers anymore, man! Yeah, I saw you cooking steaks and fucking deer antlers. It's really cool, what a move! Love that! Thanks, man. I thought about it when I was driving, filming the eekshow, uh, you know, or you know, taping the eekshow. Couple weeks ago, man, I was like, shit, you know, the antlers got a bunch of different, like, jutting out, oh, bunny rabbit! Holy shit, it's fucking tons of them. Fucking rabbit stew, Kim! Have a great week. The one thing, whatever you heard over and over again when you were a child, when you were growing up in your home, it doesn't have to be what you say or what you do over and over again when you have your own kids, when you have your own family, when you have your own home. Monkey see does not have to monkey do. In fact, whatever the monkey does see, maybe they shouldn't do. Whatever the monkey saw, monkey, don't do it. Cause sometimes whatever the monkey saw or had seen, the monkey shouldn't be doing it. This is the eek show.