EEKshow
I've always believed, anything for a laugh, a look, or even a "WTF!" Reality is so Funny if told in the right way - Genius, Odd, Sad or even Scary... And that's EEK.
EEKshow
Apple Orchid (Orchard?)
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EEKshow Episode 26: Apple Orchid (Orchard?)
There are a lot of seasonal traditions you tend to do throughout the year, yes? Whether you're a family, a couple, a group of friends, a class at school, criminals, loners, the elderly, Nuns, or even Street Gangs... (The Sharks were always my favorite - cue the whistle that they all did, which we know and love). One such tradition is going Apple Picking.
It's Fall and it's that time of year again for most of us here in the NorthEast. Leaves are changing color, temps are dropping (that is if you even know the word FALL as a Season…. and or Autumn, for those of you that live out West or down South in the US). To those of you overseas, I assume you may understand, and or it's a similar explanation where you are. I promise to learn all International Climate Change and Seasons by the end of EEKshow, Season 5. Anyway, there are pumpkins, corn mazes, costumes, parties, and yes... APPLE PICKING. Most go and if you don't go, I understand, there are plenty of reasons as to why or why not…
For the EEKshow, we GO (or Went) and upon leaving a couple weeks ago, the "APPLE ORCHID, ORCHARD, ORCA" simply helped write its own episode over that nearly 2 hours of time spent there for this Podcast. I took notes in my head, I laughed internally, and then I recorded this beautiful piece overall, in one small drive/park session after dropping my daughter of at school. Yes, that Motherfucking F-150 bitchass, who never parks in the lines at our local YMCA orangized painted vehicle, parking lot, indeed further added to this seasonal event analysis.
Here we gooooooo oooooohhh oooooohhh, it's the EEKSHOW!!!! Enjoy.
* The EEKshow, Season 1, will be coming to an END on Friday October 30th, 2026. There will be a couple Bonuses before & into the next two weekends, along with this week's 26th and next week's 27th Episode. There will also be ONE, Holiday EEKshow Special between Thanksgiving and New Year's, before 2027 begins.
Thank you to all of you that have listened, and that have been on this ride with me. I promise to always give my very best to all 3 or 300,000 of you that decided or still will decide, to pull back the curtain of the EEKshow and tune in.
And please don't forget to:
LAUGH, CRY, HIDE
"If you Seek an Episode Topic by EEK, Send Fan Mail. I'll consider every one I get"
It's EEKshow Time
Okay, now here we are. Let's take a uh look at the back scenes. The back rooms, if you will. The production studio of each show. I think he might be filming one of his candid delightful fucking squirrely songs about the apple orchid or or is it orchard episode? I think he's in the production studio right now filming. Let's catch up a quick few seconds of his mastery in the back rooms. The studio. Hey Eeksho. Eekshow, can we come in?
SPEAKER_00It's too soon for you to sit still. Take a pill. You ain't any piece of it. A P P L E O R C H R D. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_04It's the Eat Show. It's the eat show. Yo, eat show. You should try to eat an apple as fast as you can. Okay now.
SPEAKER_03Oh, look.
SPEAKER_04You've been listening for about a hundred days plus. Here and there, all over. Anywhere. Episodes and roads lead to places you just don't care. Use some nair, lose all your hair. I want you to be a bald motherfucking bitch. That doesn't make any sense. Pay your rent. I got two cents to offer up. Fucking bitch, fuck. Suck? No. What'd you do this past weekend? Did you do something with your buddies, your friends, your girlfriend, your wife? Your mistress? Your seductress! No! Did you do something with your fucking kids? Your pets? Your fucking neighbor? Total stranger? Hey man! I don't know you, but uh, you wanna go fucking apple picking? Tis the season to go to the fucking orchid! Young shot, it's not orchid, it's orchid! Like fucking choo-choo train, not cuckoo train, the fuck up, bitch! But you're right. It is the orchid, isn't it? No, it's orchard! Fuck you, bitch! It's fucking early, man. I'm just starting to have my fucking coffee.
SPEAKER_03Oh, well, that's brisk.
SPEAKER_04Someone snuck some fucking ocean mud in that one. Oh goodness. Fuck out of my way, leave truck!
SPEAKER_05Fucking landscape trucks, man.
SPEAKER_04Where's a rocket launcher when you need one? No! What are you gonna buy? You show pumpkins or a rocket launcher? I'm gonna buy a rocket launcher and fucking that fires pumpkins! No! I'd buy one of those, man. Fire fucking pumpkins on all the landscape trucks. Fuck out of my way, bitch! Fuck out of my way, bitch! Guy in the white card sitting in the fucking thrift store. Yo, man, you wait for it to open? You gonna buy some new slacks? Fucking hobo! Fucking Morgies was the fucking thrift store where I grew up. Yo, man, you going to Morgie's to get some fucking underwear? Oh shit, yeah. I don't care how poor you are, man. Don't buy underwear where someone else's fucking shit piss and ass stains, right? Might be on it. It's worth just fucking wrapping fucking paper towels around your fucking privates instead of fucking buying that. Paper towels are more expensive though. Not if you fucking petrify him. Eekshow's got a new idea, man. He's gonna like petrified wood, he's gonna make petrified fucking undergarments out of fucking old paper towels. I don't know if that business is gonna make it, man. It'll make it. Fucking the apple orchard. That's a nice fucking weekend plan when during the fall season. I'm never gonna get well. Never. You gonna get well watered? No, man, I'm talking about sickness. Well water smells like fucking sewage. Yo man, we got fucking well water flowing throughout the house. It comes out the sinks, it's fresh, and we shower in it. Yeah man, it smells like fucking old fucking sewage mud. I don't want that in my fucking soup. I don't want that on my fucking skull either, man. It's crazy when you're using water that stinks so bad that the soap fucking the soap smell isn't even strong enough. Did you go to the apple orchard? Have you been? You ever picked apples? You ever fucking brought the family, got the cider donuts, tried to catch the fucking smoke bubbles they fucking spray for 12 hours straight all over the fucking atmosphere out of the little machine by the fucking homemade fucking jam jelly and fucking pastries and frozen foods and fucking harvested farm vegetable section, a little store you go into and everything's fucking double the price. Yeah, hey mommy, can can we go can we go watch the smoke bubbles destroy the earth? Yo, you're fucking green, man! No, no. I just got a kick out of the fucking smoke bubble machine because I was there a year ago and the shut the shit's still going, man. It's fucking blowing like a 100 to 200 bubbles every fucking ten seconds. And that shit's on from nine or eight in the morning to eight or nine at night. 12 hours of the fucking smoke sheen bubbles. Tell you what, fucking oh man, I got fucking uh you know they they took my home away, man. I spent all my money on that fucking bubble liquid in the smoke. Shit, man. I'm sorry. Yeah, man, I start working at the fucking Apple Orchard fucking Halloween farm and the you know that the bubble machines fucking really got me strapped. Strapped, man? Do you fucking carry it? No man, I'm talking about fucking hard up for cash. Oh man, it's a fucking asshole parked on the fucking sidewalk every day, man. That's it. He's a fucking car, like just imagine? I just commit to fucking smashing right into him. That would be unbelievable, man. Smash right into his fucking truck. No respect. Every day he fucking parks here, man. Every fucking day. It's unreal. I'm looking back at him with my fucking neck strain. I can barely see it. His fucking whole back tire is up on the sidewalk, dude. Again, it's not even just a sidewalk, it's a yellow fucking fire lane. Like, this has to be safe for kids and old people. And the motherfucker is pulled his big fat fucking rubber fat wheel in his fucking douche fucking rat fucking Ford fucking F-150 truck bitch ass up on the sidewalk. Oh Jesus Christ. Right back to the fucking rocket launcher. I'm never gonna get well. Oh, she forgot her gum. Oh my daughter forgot her gum. I'm gonna maybe have to drop it off her. Oh yum. Oh, that is fucking brisk. They tried to deny me that I'm a coffee expert, but they can't! You been to the apple orchard? You have a nice time walking through the fucking dozen or so fucking brands or fucking cultivated fucking grown styles of fucking apples. Selpa? Backwards. Did you go to fucking six flags and fucking make sure your fucking arm bar was fucking or your over-the-shoulder fucking, you know, strap-in device was tight? Fucking, I'm tight in my fucking seatbelt right now. I'll tell you what, man, R.I.P. and no disrespect to the family or this person, but what'd you do? What'd you do this weekend? Did you go to the apple orchard? Spend fucking too much money to pick fucking apples that just are gonna fucking sit around and rot? Or did you go to Six Flags and ride Goliath? And when the fucking little free photo fucking flash goes off, he can buy those fucking photos for like 50 bucks. Yeah, you see me fucking scared to death when it, you know, I went down that hill right near the loop. Yeah, man, I did. I fucking paid 50 bucks for that photo and I'm fucking screaming and the seat next to me, the guy's fucking falling out. A guy fell out of the fucking roller coaster at the moment or within the moment of the photo capture. And whoever fucking either works at the place or was in the seat near him, paid for or posted the fucking roller coaster flash fucking photo of the guy falling out of the car. It's got the four things, you know, like, oh look at that's why I'm just about to hit the fucking upside down loop. Everybody's their hands are in the air, and then the first photo, the guy's like upside down out of his seat already, out of the fucking thing. People are looking up at him, like, oh, you know, it's like it looks like from Jaws when the the shark's just attacking the fucking boat, or you're in the raft, you're in like one of those inflatable rafts. I'll tell you what, man. If you want a fucking good time, get sick! Fuck.
SPEAKER_01I've got bronchitis. I'm sick, I'm sick. I want to stick a stick into my eyeball.
SPEAKER_00I'm sick.
SPEAKER_01I've got bronchitis.
SPEAKER_04What did you do the last days of your fucking life, Eeksho? This is the Eek Show, by the way. If you hadn't figured it out, because you're already fucking belly laughing into your own goddamn fucking oxygen! Tell you what, I wish I had that pumpkin rocket launcher. I would fire it at this F-150. Oh, a couple's going for a walk in the morning. Hey honey, you wanna go over to the fucking outdoor fucking Y? Track and walk in a circle? Now wear my fucking my new golf shirt. I'd fire a pumpkin right at him! Kidding, man, I don't wanna hurt anybody, but I do want to fucking completely wreck that fucking F-150. I know you've heard this same spiel, but I love every second of it. How much fun and fucking laughter does fucking a giant fucking rocket launcher fucking firing pumpkins at an F-150 misparked for the 50th time in a row on a fucking goddamn fire lane? How much joy does that bring you? It brings me joy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a lot of joy.
SPEAKER_04Fell out of the roller coaster. This one guy who was fucking right in the photo. So the first photo, he's like upside down, pants are half fallen down, you can see his ass. Unfortunately, again, no disrespect to the family or the person. This is just observational fucking humor, I guess. Maybe it's just observational reporting. He's upside down, falling out of the roller coaster within the vicinity of the fucking, you gotta pay for the fucking roller coaster photo fucking shot. You know, like looking right, look at the hell we're all fucking looking right at the camera, like we're not scared. Not in this photo. There's a fucking person like two seats away from. I'm telling you, they're literally screaming like one of the fucking lifeboats and Jaws, maybe Jaws 2, one of those mini fish sailboats. The girl's fucking screaming, crying, and it's this, I think it's a guy or a girl. Just there's horror in their face looking at the guy upside down, like out of the seat. Of course, you don't know where he falls to, but he's fucking gonna fall. Unfortunately, that I mean that's fucking horrible. I mean, why would you? I was just saying to my daughter, you can play the lottery, it's a fucking uh really low odds, right? Falling out of a roller coaster, right? That's low odds, but it's expensive, right? And not as many people do things that are higher costs. They do things that are lower costs, right? There's more poor people than there are rich people. The 1%, right? The 1% are the fucking gazillionaires or even multimillionaires and higher, and then everybody else is fucking shit. Or the other 99%. Less than 1%, it's like a fucking fraction of a percent to whatever point it is that you win the lottery if you play, no matter how many tickets you buy. My neck feels like it's got a fucking fork stuck right in it. If anybody can recommend a fucking good pillow to buy, I want it. A fucking wallop. Wallop? Fucking pillow backwards, you fucking stupid bitch. People went to the Apple larger. This fucking person went to the fucking Six Flags Park. Goliath. And right as the fucking four fucking photo shot. By the fourth photo, is the person's no longer in sight in the photo. The first one to the fourth, it's like when you flip through those pages of funnies, you draw the photo on the fucking paper and you move it a little bit each time, so you just flip through the paper, it's like and it moves along. It's stop, stop action, right? Stop and start motion. That's what the photo is. This guy fucking fell out of a fucking national southern six flags roller coaster. Goliath. My fucking tip of the day? I'm gonna give you the one thing now, well before the end of episode. The one thing? I don't know if I'd go on Goliath. Can you duct tape me into the fucking seat? Tell you what, man, I don't give a shit what those fucking metal controls or bars or seatbelts are. Duct tape wouldn't have fucking let the guy fall out. Wrap yourself in duct tape and try to get out. Without scissors. And I mean fucking industrial fucking sharpened scissors. Try to get out of it by yourself. Ik show you ever wrap yourself with duct tape? I mentioned this. Me and all my buddies did for Halloween. We're duct tape, man. And the motherfucking girls that we were with, three blind mice, they lost the fucking camera, man. Epic costume in the history of fucking costumes. The fucking hot blind mice we went out with, we hung out with, lost the fucking camera. If someone out there has that camera, okay, in Ikshow land, I want you to develop the pictures, and I want him sent to Buckingham Palace, because that's where I live. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you King Ikshow! And no, I'm not British, and no, I don't live there. Ikshow lives in a castle. Similar. Just not as nice. Did you go to fucking Six Flags? No, I didn't, man. I went to fucking Apple Orchard just as bad if I wanna. Just as difficult. If you wanna really talk. Real talk, yo, real talk, man. Real talk. Yo, real talk. Yo, word, real talk. Yeah, real talk, man. I listening to the words that are coming out of your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The word coming out of my mouth. Real talk. I got it. It's not fake talk. I'm listening to you. You're alive and I'm in front of you. You're in a microphone. I'm doing an interview. It's real talk. I get it. You can don't you don't even have to say talk. You are talking. Really? So straight away when you get to the fucking apple orchard, okay? It's fucking thousands of ants scurrying around. Parking on a dirt fucking road. Every wheel had wheels on it. That dirt's been waiting since the summer to just billow up. Your lungs got fucking smoke bubbles and fucking road dust for however long you're there. Yo man, how'd you get emphysema? You smoking fucking merits or fucking Newports? No man, I went to the fucking Apple orchard, man. I got fucking smoke bubble and fucking road dust poisoning in my lungs. I can I can't explore! Just have your coffee, man. Shut the fuck up. Ooh, mmm. Every fucking sip is better than the last. Every sip! No wonder you fucking came out with eek sip! Every one of them is fucking legendary!
SPEAKER_05You might like onion dip. You might even like to take a trip. But there ain't nothing in the whole wide world like an Eek sip.
SPEAKER_04The fucking apple orchard. Is it Orchard? No, it's fucking Orchard! How ironic that the Orchid was the name of the fucking shark boat and Jaws!
SPEAKER_01It isn't, it's Orca!
SPEAKER_04That guy fucking started drifting down the front of the floor or the back of the boat when the shark fucking swash jaws backwards was fucking eating the boat, he ate him! It's Orca! He needed a fucking roller coaster fucking duck tape bell, too! Right when you get up to the fucking apple orchard, it's already fucking hectic! You're not even out of the car yet! All kinds of people go there, dates, families, kids, couples, guys, girls, school classes, gatherings, old folk homes, grandparents, solo apple pickers! I saw a couple of those, man. It's like almost fucking $36 to $40 to get one of the medium bags. You could probably fit 20 20 apples in there, maybe 22, 24, maybe under 20, depending on the how fat you pick them. All kinds of fucking brands. But the first one, okay, fucking lines and rows of fucking trees, are the Macintosh apples. They call them Macs at the fucking orchard. Is that a Sign? Okay, is that an iron uh is that an ironic warn me to not fucking go here? Too expensive sign? What's max backward? What's max backwards? M-A-C-S! It's fucking scam!
SPEAKER_06This is a scam alert. Repeat, you're getting ripped off. This is a scam alert.
SPEAKER_04You go to the fucking grocery store, apples probably, I don't know, what are they? 50 cents a buck apiece? But you get to fucking you're only getting big ones and the little ones there. None of them are a fucking hanging off branches you can't get to because you're not allowed to climb the trees. Each show can climb like a fucking gorilla. $36 for 22 apples, maybe less, depending on how fat you pick. That's almost two bucks an apple. Okay, you didn't know Galileo was given the fucking podcast this morning, did you? I can also tell you it would only take me like five shots to fucking wreck that F-150. Hold on, needs top shots. Take the fucker down. Scam! Right in your face! Every fucking type of apple's got fucking droves of people in it. They got apples all over the ground. Of course, I started fucking juggling some of the fucking half-eaten ones that people didn't throw in the spittoons. I was fucking draining following threes every other second. Oh, Ekshaw's dropping fucking curry bombs in the fucking golden delicious spittoon. You did it, Ekshaw! You did it! People were fucking screaming! Ikshow! Shoot a fucking shoot a fucking pink lady, man! I'm not gonna kill any fucking ladies dressed in pink, but sure! I'll drop a fucking half-court fucking spittoon! Pink lady apple shot! All net, no room. Walk off fucking three. They should have given me fucking four for that shot. Oh, tell me it's the truck. It is him, dude. Do you hear him? This is him. This is the guy.
SPEAKER_05Here he is, man. What a fucking douche rocket.
SPEAKER_04Hey, 6CGB 47. I can see oh, he didn't stop at the stop sign! Of course! I'll tell you, man, I wish I had a fucking magic fireball that I could fire at that guy with karma. I'm real! You can't fucking buy that anywhere else but the Eek Show. Jesus! You can hear his truck! Didn't stop at the stop sign, blasted right through it! That's the guy that doesn't fucking swerve or break for squirrels. Just runs them right over, man. Every one of them. Oh I'd love to fucking make homemade apple fucking cannonballs and fire them at them. Every line of that fucking there's Cortland apples, there's Empire apples, there's fucking Honey Crisp, Crimson Crisp, Ludacrisp! That's not even a joke. Somebody actually wrote Ludacrisp on one of the fucking apple lines. And if that is a real apple, hmm. I thought it was a joke. I did. Move, bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, bitch! Get out the way! That's what I said in the fucking ludicrisp fucking apple line. Some bitch in front of me. I'm trying to get to this perfect apple! Ludacrisp apple! Move, bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, bitch! I gotta get an apple today! Move, bitch!
SPEAKER_02Yo, Luda!
SPEAKER_04Fucking ludicrisp! Yo Luda! No red delicious, which I fucking hate. What's your favorite apple? How long can you spend picking apples when the medium bag costs fucking $36? What if you go with like a fucking family of eight or nine people and you know the cans all want to hold a bag, so you might end up getting two or three bags. In fact, they tell you if you're more than three people, you've got to get a second bag. You gotta! And the prices just keep going up! Just like that fucking Goliath's roller coaster bar, it went up! Kai fucking fell out right at the photo shot. It's an awful thing, but as a family, do you want that photo? It's the last photo of your fucking family. If each show fell out of a roller coaster, I want you to frame the picture and put it on your goddamn fucking mantle. I want it above the fireplace every time you're watching fucking the old fucking police show chips. How'd you learn how to play instruments with your fucking teeth and your your lips? Could have sworn that was a drum, trumpet, and a fucking trombone all in one fucking beat. How'd you get the fuck out of my face, man? Oh I literally hope that F-150 flips on its side, man. Again, I don't want the guy to get hurt. I want him to get fucking bruised up. A little bit. I do that. I do want that. But I want his truck to be totaled. Keep your fucking wheels in the spot and stay out of the fucking yellow line, bitch ass! This is free fucking shit! This is fucking amazing. I'm telling you, my idea, this idea, is fucking magic! Don't you see David Copperfield in Vegas? I haven't. But I listen to the Eek Show every week. And I'll tell you what, Eek Deeny is fucking a legendary fucking act! Eek Deeny, cat?
unknownEek Deeny.
SPEAKER_04Fucking Apple Orchard, man. To wait in the fucking roller coaster line for four hours to get your cider donuts.
unknownEek Deeny.
SPEAKER_04That's another scam, right? Cider donuts are made and exist the whole year! But for that fucking six suites of the apple orchid, the fucking Jaws boat!
SPEAKER_01It's orca!
SPEAKER_0415 bucks for a bag of six. It's orca. Oh, and they're tiny little fucking donuts right out of the fryator, drenched in grease. But they do fucking dip them in that cinnamon fucking sugar. Now tell you what, even though I get fucking the shits for a week, I'm gonna have fucking three of them. And you gotta get the fresh ones, right? Right out of the oil. Of course you don't get the fresh ones when you wait in the four-hour line. They gotta keep up with the fucking conveyor belt of people, kids. Thank you. Okay, here's your bag. Move on. Thank you. Okay. Ah, happy Halloween. Ah, yeah, picking our. Oh, what a nice little cute girl. Ah, oh, did you get a fucking pumpkin? Here's your apples. You're getting fucking some stale ones. Okay, it's the Borise's peanut butter cup fucking quandary all over again. Maybe it's not 50% of them are stale, but 25% of them are. You can buy those fucking cider donuts the whole year. Anytime you want.
unknownIt's fucking.
SPEAKER_04It's fucking 5,000 pumpkins, all colors, all size. Squash. I got a squash, and it sucked! It wasn't fresh. It wasn't sort of a really fresh, good, organic style squash. It doesn't have to be organic. I'm not a fucking bourgeoisie bitch ass. But it's you can tell a good squash by the consistency of it. If you cook, if you like to to eat, you have good cuisine. Bro, look at this fucking douche rocket. Nice fucking Jesus Walker's fucking bitch. He's walking over to a fucking minivan bus. I'd love to fucking just. I'd love to fucking write asshole in the side of that. It's a fucking Ford minibus. Up fucking douche fucking bitch. Jesus Christ. I can't even think of a better insult. I know I say it all the time. It's too perfect.
SPEAKER_05I can't believe the fucking Ford F-150 ran the stop sign.
SPEAKER_04He was going like 30 out of the parking lot. You know, that's that's safe in the fucking Y where there's fucking droves of old people and kids. Yo, how did you die, man? Did you die on that fucking Goliath ride? No, man, I fucking died at the Y. Fucking asshole, I can't park on the fucking inside the fucking lines in the easy spot over on the back lot. Drove him over my fucking head with his car when he ran the stop sign. Each show will take care of him with his fucking rocket launcher pumpkin fucking blast gun. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_06The Apple Orchard.
SPEAKER_04It's an annual tradition. You gotta go pick apples and go bankrupt. What'd you get? Fucking scam? I did. Macintosh. Max. You're buying fucking laptops? Nope. I'm buying fucking apples. Just as expensive. And they don't fucking have keyboard, it doesn't open up, there's no light. It's just a fucking apple with a core that sits on my counter and rots away. An apple a day fucking will make you want to fucking lose your fucking hey, bitch! Eek teeny bitch. I bet you the Goliath guy wishes he went to the fucking apple orchid. Again, R.I.P. No disrespect to him. But that is fucking actual news that happened. I think it happened in Georgia. Georgia! Georgia! I wish you went to the apple orchard with May and my family. Georgia! Those motherfuckers at six flags didn't keep your goddamn fucking seatball locked. And I hope you rest in peace. Up in Halon. Hey do, man, I really do. That's not even a joke. But man, the world is a fucking crazy dark fucked up place. You can't die doing anything. I could die here with my neck pain. Filming the Eek Show. Now that's fucking an epic fucking way to go. Eek Show fucking 26.
unknownEek peeny.
SPEAKER_04Was Wade Boggs 26? The Wade Boggs 352 bar? Shit had fucking gallons of caramel in it. I used to fucking just rock those every time after baseball practice at the 7-Eleven. A fucking suicide fucking Coke predominant, but suicide still slurpee. Suicide's when you put all the flavors they have and mix them together. You still taste the Coke, right? Coke dominates all flavors. I get a weed box 352 bar and a fucking suicide slurpee. Just bounce home. Apple orchard. Such a tradition. I can't say that I hate it. But I'm not sure I love it. I do like apples. I don't eat a lot of apples. I'm not a big fucking fruit apple guy. That's not my choice. I like golden delicious. I like honey crisp. I hate fucking red delicious. It's an interesting spot. You ever had a fucking raw grapefruit? You go to the apple orchard, man? Nah man. We're gonna go pick grapefruits. Ik show's starting a business. He's fucking harvesting fucking grapefruits. People fucking seasonally fucking come to Aruba where he fucking opens shop. Just fucking pick raw grapefruits. I fucking hate it. I hate grapefruit, man. It's like an old person juice. It's fucking good for you, man. It's fucking bitter, it's all fuck. Each show put a billion into the business and sounds like he's lost another billion. Nobody's been. I'm gonna go pick grapefruits. The dream come true, man. Nobody there. Just fucking walking through up and down. Big fucking open land near the ocean that extends out into beach sand, fucking thousands of grapefruits. Instead of bags, I give out fucking or plastic fucking bags, I give out fucking army duffel bags. You buy an army duffel bag for fucking. Maybe we'll charge you $25. Still less than the fucking medium bag! Fucking East Bridgewater! How many fucking grapefruits can you fit in a fucking army duffel bag? I bet you you can fit fucking 40 of them in there. I'll carry it with fucking one arm over my head all the way back to the car. No fucking sand coming up. My lungs are clean. I spent fucking a third less money. Not gonna have any fucking roller coasters there. And if I did, I'd have duct tape fucking straps! You're not falling out of duct tape, man. I'm telling you, that's not a joke. You're not falling out! As long as the fucking photo area doesn't have a large fucking extendable, movable fucking giant pair of scissors that snips the fucking duct tape as you go by, you're not falling out. You might die because you can't breathe, because you're so squeezed into that shit. Ikkshow fucking died in the duct tape, man. I saw him in his coffin and couldn't get it off. His fucking carcass was in the fucking coffin. The coffin the coffin was fucking gold, by the way. He wanted an open casket. It said fucking duct tape, man, on the side of it. Eekshow legend. I miss him, man. I fucking miss him. Oh god, I fucking miss him. Info at eekshow.show. Tell me if you fucking go to the orchard. The orchard! Tell me if you've ever fucking watched Jaws! If you've been on a roller coaster that goes upside down and fucking taken that photo and spent money on it. I gotta be honest. Choice B to go to the apple orchard might have been a better play. Do you want to go and get scammed at the orchard or you wanna fall out of a roller coaster? Uh scales of justice! Scales of fucking justice!
SPEAKER_03Man! Scales of justice, man! Is this fucking scales and justice? You can't it's blind separately! Salescamer! Scales of fucking justice, eh?
SPEAKER_04Scales and justice! My fucking dad talking about his fucking zodiac sign. Scales of fucking justice, man! Is he getting scales of justice?
SPEAKER_02And fucking Libra! Hey! I'm a fucking Libra! You know, I'm a fucking Libra. And a fucking and a fucking dead slut! I'm a fucking Libra. Now shut up!
SPEAKER_04Jesus fucking Christ, man. It's another fucking real thing, man. These episodes just drum up fucking memories of fucking little tiny balls of fucking fun. Goliath Apple Orchard! Scam! Flow out! I gotta go with fucking option B. You know the one thing, we already talked about it. This is the Eek Show. Have an excellent fall, y'all! Bitch!
SPEAKER_06Look for an Eek Show bonus this coming weekend.